Vivid Imagination

"Pretend today we..."

      "Man is a make-believe animal: he is never so truly himself as when he is acting a part."  William Hazlitt.  According to the Cambridge dictionary the definition of make-believe is a state of mind in which you pretend to believe that conditions are real because that reality  would be more pleasant than the actual one.  I found this definition to stand out amongst the others because this one flirted with the question of why this action might take place with the individual involved. Most people just associate make believe with play time for children, however make believe goes so much further and more complicated as it is carried over to adults. Then it becomes a mental disorder. For children it is an innocent act of passing the time exercising creativity and for adults it's a time of either playing with your kids or playing on your own struggling with feelings that were suppressed and disassociating ones true self. This can become a very addictive cycle for someone that chooses to daydream pleasurable things for themselves. Who wouldn't want to live in paradise? But there is a hefty price to pay and once you are spinning on a merry go round fast what happens when it stops ? Having a brain that is prone to make believe is like being in a Disney movie, we know the outcome because they all end the same way and when it's over depression sets in until the new one has come. Then it's basically the same but different characters, and music with the ending giving that high that is sought after and then crash.

     Walt Disney was one of the leaders in introducing the fact that there is a magical place not just in our mind, but in our hearts and soul. Disney was and still is the link to everything we wanted as a child. For instance 'Peter Pan' was a "boy" who lived in a world where there was conflict, but it was always a fun adventure where Peter was always the hero while never leaving his childhood behind. In a make believe world, age, sickness, and responsibility only goes as far as the writer takes it. Make- believe is an exercise usually done by children as the imagination, personality and mind process are developing. As children, this is a positive action as it teaches creativity, introduces different ideas.
     Depending on how make-believe is introduced into one's life depends on what we decide to do with it. As an example, Peter Pan did not want to grow up and wanted to stay in Neverland made up of all kids and he never wanted leave. Neverland was a beautiful, carefree world where any kid would want to stay. Reality  is that we grow up and as we grow and mature so should our minds and what we want or desire in life. When our childhood results in trauma, or growing up too fast never having a childhood, sometimes a made up place is the very thing that we keep to ourselves to escape where no one and nothing can take away. This is a maladaptive daydream world seeking after what was missed out on or escaping the fear from something.

     Early in my childhood shows and movies made my imagination soar. I would get so involved emotionally with characters and the situation that I was watching them in that I had to get involved. I would then write myself into the story and spend the rest of the day continuing in the way I saw fit. It was just like a rehearsal at any show or theatre, I would physically act out the situation over and over until I was satisfied with it. I can remember repeating one single moment for nearly four hours. I did this because of the  incredible sensation or high I got from the feeling that moment gave me; which was the feeling I was searching for to get in my reality. So, of course it became addictive and the more times I would repeat, I would find a different way which gave more of an intense feeling. Much like a substance addiction always chasing the high. As a child I was searching and longing for acceptance, love and security. I was in foster homes and unstable conditions until I was adopted when I was five. Even though I lived in a home full of love and attention, the fear I had from earlier stayed in my shadows. I became a prisoner of escape. I never even thought about it as a problem because it was just an automatic response. This make-believe was more to me than just pretend. It became real, so real that I could feel in my heart, understand in my head things that at that time I knew nothing about. I fell in love for the first time with someone who was a real person but didn't know me, but to me we had history together, we were so in love.  So you can imagine if my first love was that deep and  I was the writer of the script, it made expectations for reality way to high. My trust in other people and security on where I stood all the time was questioned; making myself hard to deal with.

      Make-believe and fantasying can lead to obsessive behavior, controlling fits, narcissistic disorder and sometimes delusions.   I have my share of many but the positive side is just as heavy. This condition is what you allow it to be. Remember you are the writer, the director and what happens is up to you. You choose when it's over and when it starts. We are only human and mistakes happen and sometimes we take good things too far. But if we all made a perfect world how would we not go too far or get addicted?  That is why no one is able to achieve perfection, because even perfection has its flaws- addiction.
I would like to share my experience with maladaptive daydreaming and all the things and people that have been in my world. The impact of all the places and things I have done are real to me and the experience was something I will always have. I believe it was a gift and what I do with it is up to me. This is a the first time I have ever opened the door of my other life. Other maladaptive daydreamers would understand that this is very intimate but.... welcome .