Vivid Imagination

Introduction

      A creative person is someone who can imagine anything, see things in different colors and variations of patterns.  All ideas and characters are endless in possibility engineered by passion for wonder, always searching further away from ordinary. Creative minds are always asking what if, why, and could it be possible? Creativity is walking in someone else's shoes, not only imagining it but living out each detail just to know what it is like.
     This creativity was a gift I was given to use as we are all given some kind of talent and for a long time I was clouding up this brilliance with a drug habit. No matter how hard I tried fighting with excuses for choices I made, life kept fighting against the drugs. When you have a purpose in life, the universe will fight to the death for you to stay on that path. I  knew I had so much more to give the world than my excuses and lies I told just to score a high that I couldn't maintain anymore. I believe that I held onto the drugs for so long because they were the only consistent thing in my life, I would feel guilty for abandoning that. Drugs were the only thing that was always there for me no matter what but that is what the eyes of a drug addict sees. My problems I was facing all centered around this concept; never abandon something that you are a slave to. That sounds harsh but we all at one time or another loved something that was hurting us and at the same time chasing to get love. I was always very passionate about anything that I showed interest in and that can be challenging when you are "committed" to something that's harming you. Quite frequently this passion for things and people would run it's coarse and I do one of two things:
leave fast with intentions of never looking back or leave emotionally but physically stay.

After being adopted at five years old, I was raised an only child. My biological mother was only seventeen when I was born and she was in and out of foster homes, struggling with addiction problems. Her mother was an alcoholic and gave up her rights putting her in foster care at age twelve. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I got separated from my mother every time she would get kicked out of a foster home because of her behavior. She claimed to not know who my father was just like her mother claimed the same for her. The only male figure I knew was the occasional man from a foster home that would abuse me or my mother so I sought after that missing role in men later in my life. I felt the need to please people and make sure they liked me because if they didn't I thought I would be abused or traded in. I had no time to form any kind of relationship or bond with anyone, so my creativity began to develop a strong imagination full of friends and places that were safe.

Later on in this book I have a chapter titled "Abandonment never leaves me." The focus is centered on abandonment and how it destroys people's lives and it's effects never leave anyone. For many years I blamed abandonment for robbing me of security in love, trust in the people, and depleting my self image so my ability to pursue goals and things I desired were out of reach. Maybe there was a reason it never left me that I did not know about then. My choice to self medicate was part of a cry for help hidden behind my display of a happy, fulfilled life.

My life was anything but typical, I didn't slave over making someone else rich climbing the corporate ladder for a company in which I am just a number. I didn't upgrade every five years to the next home because the size of my bank account and family out grew itself, I did not experience the miracle of giving new life and growing old with a family that looked to me as the provider. I never got to go to soccer games, parent teacher nights, graduations and feeling proud that I did a good job preparing them for life. It robbed me of being a parent, a husband, a Christmas bonus making, white picket fence, shiny black car kind of person. All those things sound nice, but I have to remember my food for thought "EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON." Everyone's plan is different and until I accepted this I wasn't able to find what the plan for me was.

Just our existence is a great plan to do incredible things. I remember my parents telling me that God hears every word you say, I believed everything my parents told me because I trusted them. Life is a journey to find out the things that we have passion for that give us purpose. We are multi dimensional, not one of us are the same, and God planned it that way so our journeys would differ to help one another. So, it was a long time before I accepted that you don't have to be just a certain way to have a relationship with God, or get to heaven. If we are all different then we all have different ways to live the lifestyle that is right for us. Those that have kids know that your relationship with each one differs. The truth is, you LOVE them equally. Yes, you may be closer to one than the other, but you accept that they are different. The point is, those with sons and daughters that are estranged or have no relationship with, you still love them. No matter what they do or what they have done could you send your child to suffer for all eternity?