Vivid Imagination

Gift from a stranger

     I set repeat on the stereo playing Donna Summers "I will go with you," so it would play all day, I listened to it on my walkman at night so that I could retain every bit of it. I watched myself in the mirror lip syncing the words so that it would be believable. I had two weeks till I performed at the same bar I saw my first show at on my birthday. I was so proud of myself as I was no stranger to knowing what I needed to do in order to have a successful performance. I do have to admit the butterflies made the anxiety sharper than in my daydreams; at least there I knew the outcome and there was no room for failure or rejection. Then I asked myself well what makes this any different then my daydream? What would happen if I actually knew that I was going to put on a good show, I knew that there was no time for fear? Just that made the rumble in my stomach act as the alarm to sound anxiety to the fullest. I wanted this so bad and I knew that I have the potential to be good. My palms continued to sweat and my heart beat three times faster.

      I rehearsed every moment I could, my diligence to succeed was impressive to me now being that I was so self conscious. My daydreaming was triggered throughout my rehearsing. I tried so hard to shut it out as it came back just as fast. I think of it like WIFI trying to find a network to latch onto and there is not a good signal. I would think about a story line and feel myself getting into character and then all of a sudden its like the director says "CUT!!" and spotlight shines brightly on reality. There I am standing in this spotlight while the real star is left in the dark looking at me.
      Things were going well and the need to run back to my safe place in daydream land was beginning to not happen as often. I continued to just remind myself how grateful I was to have had all my daydreams when these triggers would happen because without them I would not have the knowledge I have which put me ahead of the game. There is something to be said about experience, but that was behind me, I did not need them anymore. You can learn all the facts there are; experience will always be greater.

     I remember my heart was about to beat out of my chest in anxiety from the thought of breaking open my new makeup to start practicing. If I only knew that the anxiety was really excitement, as I had not a clue to what this was about to start. Makeup was always one of those things that I gravitated to no matter how hard I tried to forget it or stay away from it; I always found myself passionately wanting to explore the possibilities. My mother ended up having to hide her makeup from me because I would always go through all her compacts and then before I knew it was obvious that it was not just her that had been dipping in it. I could not help myself as I struggled with this because at the time it was, a boy that liked makeup was not normal. To me this was just a completely natural part of self discovery. My parents just told me to stop it but never told me why it was wrong.

      The day I went to buy my brushes stands out among many. I was concerned that I was not going to get the correct ones for me but not surprisingly I automatically knew these things like it was instinct. The lady at the counter could tell I was extremely new at this. She was an interesting lady and I could tell she loved her profession as well. She for sure wore the product to sell ... I think every bit of it. Her beautiful blue eyes were brought to attention by dramatic highlighting making them appear bigger. Every feature was boldly enhanced by a contour then highlighted by a beautiful complimenting shade. Her eyebrows were incredibly shaped in a perfect angle that lifted her features but also gave a stylish edge. The eyelashes each perfectly separated and swinging up and away from the eye looking as though it gave them wings. Her lip color was as red as valentine roses lined with a slightly darker shade and highlighted so lightly in the center to create the most beautiful pair of lips I had ever seen. I wanted to just stare and study her face, I wanted to ask her who taught her that art, and how it felt to be so stunning. I wanted to represent such beauty and style as well as she. She reminded me of old Hollywood glamour, she had class and explained to me that the whole goal in the company she worked for was not just to sell the best makeup but to show the world the hidden beauty that can be brought out in every individual.