Vivid Imagination

Merry go Round

     Of course by now, it was no question I liked the more exciting path of life and I was scared of boredom. I think really what it all boils down to is I was afraid of myself.  I went back on the merry go round full speed ahead as soon as school was out and I didn't have anything to do. Watching tv shows, listening to music and of course my alone time led to a lot more story lines that I could create. All of them pretty much led me down the road of success in show business jumping from gig to gig but I stayed on the Mickey Mouse Club for many years.               My life in fantasy was more important than anything so I kept on top of it at all times. Of course after the Mickey Mouse Club, I went on to be a solo artist; I shadowed the life of Madonna. Every album, song, movie, appearance she did made me act out as if it were me. Award shows, public appearances were all triggers that got me right back on that merry go round. I studied her and the way she presented herself, I put myself in her shoes and would obsess about how she would feel or what she would do day in and day out. I got so good at this I could almost answer for her on any given interview and have almost the same answer. I understood her fashion and reinvention, I became in touch with her vibration and energy so that my life could keep up.           
         As I continued to climb up the ladder of success I got an incredible high from just the thought of my fellow Mouseketeers being impressed with my new found success. I never wanted to feel like a hot head or that I was better than anyone but I was getting addicted to success and the feeling of always winning. I also found is so much easier to imagine and think positively as the positive events kept rolling in.
      As I grew up so did my character but I was starting to form relationships in my reality that required me to stay in focus on me. This took my attention away from drifting off as much as I used too. I did stay in theatre so that's when I'd get the craving to enhance my reality into what I pictured it should be. Looking at the whole picture, I feel that this is when I had it under control. Like everything, do in moderation; which is not an easy thing for people who are obsessive. It's like asking a lion to save half the meat you just fed it for another meal. However when you distract the lion with something else it might like, then maybe the lion will leave it alone longer than if there was nothing else to concentrate on. This switch between lives is still something that I do to this day, but my daydreaming has changed throughout the years. Having such a creative mind set and setting such a vibrant life in my daydream world it is no wonder that's where I wanted to stay most of the time.              

        The kind of relationships I formed in my daydreams were very intense, intimate, and all on my terms. I knew the difference between believable and just plain crazy. I always stayed in the realms of being possible which gave me hope. I often wondered to myself why in my perfect world did I imagine there to be conflict? Why would I cause stress on myself in a world that I would escape to getting away from that very thing? I could imagine because it made it that much more convincing and believable to myself and it gave me a sense of achievement when solving problems that I never thought I could in real life; I had grown a love for problem solving from a world where I write the script. In contrast, this was very good for me and taught me some very vital problem solving, interpersonal skills to use in life. You can learn a lot  from yourself and be amazed how much knowledge you already do possess inside.

      Maladaptive Daydreamers are specific, detailed and passionate about the things they hold dear in their heart. Like Cory, in my daydream, we stayed friends for life, but our romantic love wasn't as strong as our friendship bond. We both decided our friendship meant more to us than to ruin everything by trying to make our romantic life work. The trust between us is what I was searching for in reality, the way he took care of me without telling me what to do, let me have the center stage without drowning out his fame. I could always see how proud he was of me every time I looked into his eyes. But just as stubborn as I am in reality I was always on the lookout for something better, but at the end of the day family and who you keep in that circle of love is the most important, and that was what my whole daydream world was made of.