Evangiline

Chapter Three- Words with Computers

I sat in my room at my computer thinking of the most random words and things.

I loved writing poems. The vivid words were the only way for me to 'see' what I want. I still remembered some color and some of the natural beauty of the world that I was no longer a part of.

I decided to write about my senses. It seemed that they have gotten stronger when my vision left me. I could physically feel the things that people tried to hide, like deceit, desperation, and fear.

As I typed, the computer read the finished words aloud to me.

"I feel the air vibrate with emotions.

I 'see' the hidden hopes within the hearts of those that wish on meteors.

I see with my mind and know what I find is the only truth.

Sight is deceiving, not believing. Believing is an act of the heart.

The world is black, filled with beauty that I am not aloud to see. Filled with love that I am not allowed to feel."

So...it was a little emo and depressing.  Hell, it was so dramatic and corny that I though about deleting it.

The monotone computer voice made my words sound funny. I know my words don't them perfectly but they say what I mean... kind of.

I turned off the warm computer and sighed. My window was open and the misty summer breeze blew in carrying the subtle scent of tulips, cut grass, and wood. I breathed in the sweet smell and bathed in it. I might not have been able to see nature, but I could still embrace it.

I felt my way to my big king sized bed, which was easy to find, and plopped down on it.

The firm mattress kept me from bouncing up. I buried my face in the pillows and inhaled their sweet vanilla scent. I sighed again.

Then I thought about the man that I met at senator Tylid's mansion, Mr. Heiden. His name was Charles. I remembered his description so vividly and exact.

I put a mental picture together based on what I was told. He would tower over me at six foot four. I was six inches shorter than him.

In my mind, he is smiling with white teeth and full pink lips. I did not know his skin color but that did not matter.

"Honey?" My mom yelled from in the kitchen. "I have to go now".

I totally forgot that she had to go to DC that week for a vote... I would be alone for almost a full week.

She walked into my room, bringing the smell of sweat and coffee.

"Bye mom. I love you." I said.

"You too baby. I'll see you next Sunday. If you need anything call Rosey, or me. Just call me. Don't go any where-"

"I can't go anywhere."

"Be safe Evangiline. I love you" She said as I pushed her out of the door.

"You too mom."

I sat back down on the edge of my bed and realized that I had more freedom than I did a few minutes ago, as long as none of the security guards or maids bothered me. I decided to stay home where it was safe to walk around my room without getting bumped into and shoved aside like an old, half empty bag of chips. Not that I would let them anyway.

I let my fingers trace the mosquito netting that draped over my bed. It felt rough and rubbed my fingers wrong.

With nothing else to do, I felt around my room for my iPhone until I found it back on the bed. I plugged in the earphones and turned on my music.

The loud and screeching metallica rung my ears. Music like that always made me feel alive and vibrant. It's tone alone explained how I felt on the inside.

Slipknot is life.

I hated the doctors and my mother for letting this happen. I hated myself for letting it happen. I hated God for doing this too me. I hated my dad for dying in Iraq and for leaving us, although he was brave. I hated not being able to see my own reflection.

I rolled unnecessarily off of my bed, crawled to the dresser and pulled myself up. With both the music and my anger fueling me I picked up the Roseville vase and chucked it across the room. The shattering did not scare me, instead it felt good. It released a bit of my anger.

The music blasted the in my ears. I was driven by an unseen force as strong as God himself. That would bee nice if he decided to intervene soon.

I wanted to break more and more. I sighed aloud and threw another lamp.

Suddenly the door busted down right in beside of me with a whoosh of cold air. I heard the ragged breaths of three unfit guards, guns probably raised at me. I mentally dared them to shoot me... I even wanted them to.

I screamed again and again and again until my throat could the it no more.

"What the hell?!" one asked.

"We thought that you were being attacked! The crashing... You screamed... You always do this even miss leaves." One said as if he was deciding whether or not to leave himself.

"I do not! I will scream whenever I want. Now get out."

I felt the anger pull me under and try to drown me. All of my feelings had crashed down on me at once and the feeling was terrifying.

        .........
In a way, I felt better after my outburst. It had released a bit of my anger.

A half hour later I had a new door and lamp. The maids had taken off to their wing of the house and turned in for the night. The guards returned to their posts and left me alone to pout.

"The Sound Of Silence" lulled me away from my incessant thoughts and towards a calmer, more stable dream realm.

I really needed to get back on my meds again.