Evangiline

Chapter Twenty- One Year

Charles left. He just stopped talking and walked right out the door... that was a year ago. A year ago we had the argument. A year ago I lost someone else, I had lost Charles.

  A week after he left, I found that I grew to miss him a lot. Sometimes I dreamed about him. I dreamed about beating his ass. About going on an adventure with him. And often dreamed about him romantically. The dreams scared me because some say when you dream about someone often, it means that you miss them. But I knew that I couldn't. He couldn't miss me. Charles had chose to leave, so obviously he didn't care.

My mind was constantly conflicted. I worried if he would ever come back, or if I even wanted him to.

Now that he was gone, I had to find my own way to ask my mom what she was hiding. She shouldn't need to hide anything from me really, besides work things.

I still remember him and the way he made me feel- which was angry. The way he constantly tried to make me smile or happy was annoying.  The way his jokes got old, fast. The way he seemed so confident about himself, but not about politics. The way he taught me to break free from the bonds society put on me. The way he never could understand how I really felt. That is what I remembered.

Almost a year had passed since I last seen him. The charity dinners seemed longer and the nights colder. Life in general was harder to bare. My mom's constant absence did not help either. I stopped hanging out with Stacy,  Amber,  Rhys,  and Jessie- mainly because of Rhys little prank. Although they never stopped calling.

  I often dreamed of what he was doing at any given time and dreamed about how different my life would've been it I had taken his offer. It made me angry when I imagined him with another women. All of this dreaming made me overwhelmingly sad, and writing did not take it away. Nothing did. So I was forced to deal with the aftermath all on me own. Charles had left.

My mom didn't ask about him much, except when I would hide in my room for days at a time just to avoid questions . My mom had not known the sacrifice that I had made for her, and likely she never would.

I never told her about me crying and decided not to unless some miracle happened and my sight returned. I felt an emptiness inside me that even grilled cheese couldn't fill. I had contradicted myself; I felt alone and lost without him.

I had no one to yell at when they complimented me. No one to fake kiss or hug. No one to tell me that I was beautiful when I wholeheartedly refused.

I typed ten notebooks choked full of poems. It seemed as though he was the only thing that I thought of. That one year without him was busy for my mom. We had a statewide drought and she was needed in almost every city. Most of the time I was alone, as I had once wanted.  How had I gotten to this point where I allowed myself to be completely pathetic without him?

   Pretty soon, I had returned to the angry, pissed off girl that I once was. I hated everyone and everything that was near me. I cursed more, especially when accidentally turned on a country channel on the radio or heard about Charles or Senator Tylid on the news. Every time that I heard his name, a small part of me wanted to find him. But a greater part of me didn't want to because he had left me. Charles had chosen what he wanted.

    ............

     "Hey!" I heard a voice yell as I passed the front door into the kitchen. "I know you're in there Evangiline. Come out."
  
   Oh god. Stacy.

  "Come on, lets just talk. Amber misses you. We all do." Stacy yelled again.

   Just as I went to yell for a guard, Stacy spoke again. "Please."
   
     I still ignored her, against everything that I had ever worked for, and walked back up to my room.

   Whenever Stacy, Rhys, Jessie, or Amber called, I would pretend to be too sick to answer the door of phone. Sometimes I even told them to go to hell. Although none of this was their fault, I had to have someone to be mad at besides myself. It did not make sense to try and beat myself up over Charles. So it had to be them.