Chapter 27
Ramdam ko ang pagtulo ng pawis habang patuloy sa walang katapusan na pagtakbo. I have a headphone on and the music is keeping me oblivious to my surrounding.
"I can think of nothing else but loving you
You got me doing things I never really do
Tell me where you wanna go, I'm thinking Paris
I'ma give you something you gon' wanna cherish."
Bumibigat ang paghinga ko at bumagal din ang aking pagtakbo nang umikot na para hindi tuluyang makalabas sa subdivision.
"And I ain't perfect, I know I've hurt you
But let's reverse it, it never was on purpose
You got right to my heart and took a lot of workin'
Just know that I've been searching, baby."
I removed the headphone when I stopped in front of our house. I unzipped my upper tracksuit and run to our front yard. Tahimik akong pumasok sa loob pagkatapos tanggalin ang aking sapatos.
"Hey, Aurora..."
Tumigil ako nang sumungaw ang ulo ni Tita Valery mula sa dinning room. Kumibot ang aking labi dahil hindi ko alam na narito pala siya. She might have been here a while ago. Dalawang oras akong nag-jog kaya baka kanina pa siya rito.
"Hey, Tita Val. I'll just go up to my room." Paalam ko.
She nodded and smiled. "Put your coat on, winter is coming. You might catch cold again. I'll just wait for your mother."
Ngumiti lang ako at umakyat na sa hagdan. Tuloy tuloy ako sa aking kwarto habang tinatanggal ang pang-itaas na track suit. Basang basa ako sa pawis at naghahalo ang lamig at init sa aking katawan.
We've been here in Canada for more than three years. We stayed in Ottawa for a week, sa kaibigan ni Mama. Then after that, we moved to Ontario where we are now permanently living.
The earlier months was a hell for me. I have so many things to deal with. I'm missing home so bad. Halos hindi ako makakain at nagkukulong lamang sa kwarto. I am over thinking about things too much. I wanted to go back so bad and it's even more frustrating that I couldn't do anything about it.
I wanted to reach out to the people I left behind but my fear would swallow me first before I could do it. I feel like I'm all alone and it's sickening. My inner turmoils was slowly swallowing me.
Idagdag pa na hindi sanay ang katawan ko sa malamig na klima. Nanghihina ako at madalas lagnatin. My parents we're having a hard time dealing with me because I am not cooperating. Madalas ay hindi ko sila kinakauusap at nasa kwarto lamang, nag-iisip at umiiyak.
I don't know but it was a depressing time for me. Nahihirapan akong matulog sa dami ng iniisip, dahil do'n ay madalas ang pagkirot ng ulo ko. Minsan ay nagagalit si Mama pero sinusubukan niya rin naman akong intidihin. Kinailangan din namin na magpatingin sa doctor.
It was confirmed that I am experiencing early signs of depression. I couldn't go to school because I'm not ready yet, emotionally and mentally. I have to take medicines and clinical intervention for months. To sum it up, the first year of living here is not good experience.
I waited for my sweaty body to dry up before taking a bath. It's almost the start of winter and the temperature elevated more. Mas lumamig at alam kong mapapadalas na naman ang pagkakasakit ko. It became normal over the years. I just need to take my medicines and I'm good.
Pagkatapos kong magbihis ay bumaba ako agad. Naabutan ko si Mama at si Tita Valery na nag-uusap. They're preparing for work. Tita Valery is one of my mother's friend and co-worker. She's also a Filipina and with her family, they also migrated here before us.
