I woke up and found out that I'm in the hospital. Lumingon ako sa paligid and saw Micah contacting someone on her phone. Nung nakita niya na gising na ako agad siyang lumapit saakin.
"How do you feel?" She asked worried.
"Good." I said at umambang uupo pero pinigilan niya ako.
"You need rest, Viv. I'll call a doctor to say that you're awake. Saglit lang." she said and went out the room.
After a few moments, the doctor came.
I'm sure this is nothinh serious. Dahil lang naman sa panaginip ko toh.
"How are you feeling, Miss Vivianne?" The doctor asked and went towards me.
"Medyo okay na po ako kumpara kanina." I said and looked at him.
"Oh. Okay. Thats good to hear. Pero sa mga nakikita at nakwento saakin ng iyong kaibigan ay dulot lamang ito ng iyong napanaginipan. Natrauma ka ata dahil doon. If this happens again you might want to visit a friend psychiatrist." He said and all his attention was at me.
Psychiatrist? Do I have mental issues already?Hindi ko sinabi iyon, I just nodded at him instead.
"Can she go home later, doc?" Micah asked him still being worried.
"Uhm... yes. She can go anytime later. Better if pagpahingahin nalang muna ang pasyente." The doctor said and asked permission to go out of the room.
Micah looked at me with worry in her eyes.
"You need to rest. Pagkagising mo mamaya ay uuwi na tayo, ok?" She said and gave me a faint smile.
"Okay. Sorry talaga kung nadagdagan ko pa problema nyo." I said na medyo naaawa na.
"Its fine. No need to worry. Now rest." She said and smiled.
Pinikit ko na ang mata ko but I still couldn't stop thinking of how I turn everybody's smile into a frown. Gustuhin ko mang magbago ay gagawin ko kahit na alam kong mahirap.
After overthinking so much nakatulog na ako.
I had a dream again. This time, I'm with Eli, Tan, Leah and Micah. We're sitting somewhere while talking to each other. It's a normal night, not until I keep on getting this illusion that every one of them is disappearing and turning into sand. Leah was the first one. I was crying like hell screaming her name and begging for her not to disappear. But begging didn't to anything. Same goes with Eli and Micah. I was hysterically crying. Tan was beside me smiling as if nothing wrong just happened.
"Please." I begged.
"Please don't leave me." I said crying my heart out.
I heard nothing in response.
"Tan, baby." I said and cupped his face.
"Don't leave me. I can't afford living alone." I cried.
I held his hand tight. But the tighter I hold it the looser his grip on my hand becomes.
Until he's gone. Tan is gone.
Leah. Micah. Eli. Tristan. Their all gone.
I remembered Mom and Dad. I ran trying to find my way home.
As I was running, an image of the cemetery popped out of nowhere. My running became slow. It turned into a walk as I look around. I saw Mom's and Dad's name on the grave. I cried trying to process what was happening. Until I felt someone hold my shoulder from behind. When I looked at it I woke up.
"Vivianne!" Micah said who was already trying her best to wake me up.
I opened my eyes and saw her with Leah and the others. Their eyes were full of sadness.
"What happened to you?" Leah asked me.
I cried as I remember the dream I just had.
"We need to contact a psychiatrist." I heard Eli say.
"I have a friend who is a psychiatrist, I'll call." I heard Tan's voice and heard his footsteps coming out of the room.
"Wag niyo ako iiwan." I said and looked at them while my tears are falling from both if my eyes.
"We won't." Leah said and smiled to give me assurance.
"Tristan is already calling a psychiatrist. We need to get you checked, Viv." Micah said and Eli agreed with her.
Pumasok na si Tan sa loob and went towards me. He looked at everyone and said, "The psychiatrist I called is available anytime we need her." He said.
"Thats good to know!" Eli and Leah said.
"Are you feeling better?" Tan asked and he held my hand tight.
"I'm good." I said and looked at our hands.
In my dream, I was the one holding his hand tight to stop him from vanishing.
He cupped my face and gave me a smile.
In mu dream, I was the one who cupped his face to beg him not to leave me.
"What are you thinking?" He said and I felt that his attention is all at me.
"My dream." Natatangi kong nasabi.
"Don't leave me." I said and a tear from my eye fell.
He wiped that tear and said, "I'll do everything I can to have you by my side always." He said and kissed my forehead.
"You should stop going to work for now." He said.
"But-" he cut me off.
"You'll come back once you're feeling the usual, okay?" He said.
Tumango lamang ako.
After some time nakauwi na kami sa condo namin. Everyone is still with me at the moment. Nakahiga ako sa kama ko at napapalibutan nila ako.
"Should Vivianne visit the psychiatrist tomorrow?" Micah asked.
"The earlier the better, I guess." Leah said and gave me a smile.
I gave her a faint smile.
"Ako na bahala sa pagdala sakanya bukas. The others still have work." Tan said with authority.
"I'll come with you." Micah said and looked at Tan.
Tumango lamang si Tristan.
Lumabas na ang iba sa kwarto ko maliban kay Tan.
"Will I be okay?" I asked out if nowhere.
"I'm sure you'll be." He said at tumabi saakin sa paghiga.
"Sa dinami daming alaala na nagawa ko kasama kayo, halos lahat masasaya. Ito na ata ang kapalit ng saya na matagal ko ng inaasam." I said and looked at the ceiling.
"Thats not true, baby. You'll feel happy without any sadness in return soon. We will help you get through every single obstacle you face along the way." He said and I felt him looking at me.
"Sana nga. You can go now. Text me kung anong oras tayo aalis bukas. I guess I wont be going at work again." I said na medyo nadismaya dahil kailangan ko din mag trabaho.
"Sure baby. Make sure to get enough sleep so you won't be sleepy in the morning." He said and kissed my forehead.
Lalabas na sana siya ngunit pinigilan ko.
"Wait!" I called him.
Napalingon siya saakin.
"Yes?" He asked.
"I can't bear having another nightmare." I said and looked at him with worried eyes.
"Think of happy thoughts, baby. I'm sure you won't have a nightmare if you think of those." He said and smiled.
"Whatever happens, don't leave me the moment I least expect it." I said out of nowhere.
He didn't say anything but he smiled at me.
Umalis na din siya after nun. Which left me alone in my room. Labag man sa kalooban ko na dito matulog, wala naman akong magagawa. I just need to think of happy thoughts before sleeping.
But instead of sleeping, I felt hot liquid fall down my eyes.
I asked myself not minding my own tears.
Do I really deserve this? Can't I be happy without getting any bad thing in return? Can't I smile and laugh without experiencing pain afterwards? Can't I live the life the way I want to without anyone suffering for me?
I guess not.
It hurts knowing that every smile, every laughter and every bliss I experience ends up being a total breakdown for me.
As of now, the ones giving me hope is the people who surrounds me with positive energy. I just hope this tragic things in my life will end soon.
YOU ARE READING
Momentary Bliss
Random[UNEDITED PARTS!] Every person experiences bliss or happiness but why is it that Vivianne here experiences happiness but whats different is everytime she's happy she knows that its always going to be a temporary feeling. Every happy start results to...
