Secret Romantics

what's there to lose?

Jayden's POV

Tic-tok, Tic-tok, Tic-tok

I watch the pendulum from the grandfather clock sway left and right as I lay on the couch, just waiting for him to come back. Cars drive by every once in a while, which always fools me into thinking it's him. The house is quiet, clouds cover the sky completely making it gloomy. A few water drops tap on the window.
Mae is currently on a play date at her friends house so I'm all alone. Usually, I liked having my peace and quiet, but this time... it just feels lonely and depressing. The same thoughts keep repeating in my head over and over again. Did I do something wrong? Is he okay? When will he come back? Should I be concerned?

Suddenly I hear a car stoping right outside the house. I look out the window but the fog from the window made it blurry so I quickly whipped it off. My eyes opened wide at the sight of Grayson parking in the drive way. A sudden race in my heart speeds up knowing he came back. Can't tell if it's good or bad. The door creaks it's way open as I see him stepping foot inside. "Hey..." I say as he walks in. "Hey" he reply's back in a gentle voice. He plopped himself on the same couch I was as he lets out a huge sigh. "Is everything okay?" I asked. He didn't answer right away like usual. He just looked straight ahead at the wall with a blank face. "Yeah I just needed some time alone..." he says. "Where'd you go?" I ask again. Like usual, he does not answer immediately and waits a second. "Saltbay Park. It's the park that me and my sister use to hang out. It's also the park where I met my girlfriend." he says. "oh" I quietly replied back. God... did I really fuck up that bad that I made him miss his ex girlfriend? "Going to that park always gives me good memories... back to when life was much more simple... Back when Keith wasn't a part of my life." he says with a bit more anger. "Who even is Keith?" I ask. "Don't worry about it. All you should know is that he wasn't a very nice person. He's long gone from here thankfully." He says.
Another long silence occurred as we both sat here. "I'm sorry..." I say. "For what?" he ask as he finally turns his head over and looks at me.
"I-I'm not sure... for making you miss your family and doing... you know..."
"Don't be, it's not your fault." he says. "It isn't? So y-you enjoyed it?" I asked. "No! Well y- ughh I don't know man. I'm not sure if it's because I haven't had a blowjob in a long time or... ugh it's just so fucking confusing! I've never felt this way, I just don't fucking know!" he says. "You've never felt like what?" I ask. He doesn't reply for like a good 10 seconds... "I've never felt like this! If we're gonna be honest here, I really like you Jayden. And i'm not sure if I like you, or if I like like you. I've been so alone that I don't even know the difference anymore. I don't even know what love it is at this point!" he starts punching the couch with his bare fist in frustration which startled me by how loud it was. His hair was all messy and strands were going separate directions but I don't think he cares at this point. I sit here speechless at what he said. The thought of him possibly having feelings for me made my heart skip a beat. "FUCK!" he yells which once again startled me. "I feel like I'm going fucking insane!" he screams.
"I think I have an idea..." I say. "Don't even bother, it's no use." he says. Without even thinking of how risky this could be, I press my lips against his and close my eyes. He pushed me away and looked at me "Seriously? Your plan was to kiss me?" he says unimpressed as he looks at me in the eyes like if I'm some sort of fool. "No, that was just to calm you down. I was thinking... since you're confused about your sexuality, why don't you take me on a date to figure it out." I say. He looks at me with a blank stare for a couple seconds and then cracks open a hysterical laugh. "You're kidding right?" he smiles. "No..." I say. "Oh..." he says more seriously. "It was just an idea, you don't have to." I say. He takes a second to think before he says anything. "You know what... Why the fuck not."
"Seriously?!" I say. I hardly thought he was gonna agree to this.
"Yeah I'm down. What's there to lose?"

next chapter...