PREVIOUSLY: Ellody watched as her sister flinched and walked back upstairs, shaking her head. Their mum shrugged, and Ellody knew that tonight was not going to be fun.
"So, you got an A+? That's amazing, Ellody!" their dad smiled. Ellody nodded, her stomach tying itself into a knot. She wanted to leave, every ounce of her body was tingling as though her fight or flight response was kicking in.
"Um, yeah, thanks," she muttered, staring at the banana milkshake on the table in front of her. She wanted chocolate, but her dad was all excited because he remembered that she liked banana milkshakes and bought her one. She liked banana milkshakes for about six months a few years ago, before he moved out. Ellody didn't want to ruin his excitement, even though he wasn't a very nice guy.
"But, of course, you're the over-achiever in the family. You must get a lot of treats like this," he added, nodding and smiling. Ellody shrugged, glancing at her sister. Sienna had been uptight the whole time, refusing to acknowledge him - even though he bought her a chocolate milkshake, which was still her favourite, after all these years.
"They're both wonderful," her mum smiled, attempting to get a smile out of Sienna and failing. Ellody didn't want to sit there any longer and listen to him try to understand them again. She grabbed her phone from the table, muttered something about the bathroom and looked around, locating a sign to point her away from the awkwardness of everything going on. The second she was locked in a stall, the smell of clean hit her. And suddenly tears were welling in her eyes and she needed to talk to someone, but who was she going to call?
Jonah, obviously.
Her phone rang and rang, and just as she was about to hang up, his voice came sharply through the speakers.
"Ellody! I'm a little busy right now, can I call you back in, like, maybe half an hour? Please? I'm doing soundcheck before an interview, you can stream it if you like, I'll send you the link," Jonah explained quickly. Ellody's heartbeat slowed at the sound of his voice. For some reason, it was calming to listen to his voice, even though he had to go.
"OK, call me when you're done. As soon as possible," she smiled, sitting on the toilet seat lid and hugging her knees to her chest.
"Sorry Ell, talk later!" he added. Ellody heard a laugh in the background that sounded a lot like Zach's before he hung up. She felt bad that she was talking to Jonah and not Zach. She'd always gone to Zach, and if she didn't talk to him, she kept it to herself. Keep it in. There's no point in worrying outwardly over something you can't change.
She sat in the bathroom stall, staring at Jonah's contact picture for what felt like hours, but every time she checked the clock, it had only been minutes. Eventually, she turned it on and went to her photos that they all took on the weekend. Instant regret.
Every feeling for Zach hit her all over again, like a tsunami of emotion crashing over her body. She froze on a photo Christina took of Ellody sitting in a hammock in between Zach and Corbyn. You could barely see their faces because it was from such a distance, but Ellody remembered it clearly. Corbyn was making a duck face and Zach was hugging her. Ellody was leaning into his side, grinning. She distinctly remembered her face hurting from smiling and laughing that day. A tear slid down her cheek, wishing that she could go back to that weekend before she started liking Jonah so much, before she stopped talking to Zach and started talking to Jonah. Her phone suddenly buzzed in her hands, and a notification appeared at the top of her screen. A message from Zach.
ZACH: can we just talk
She stared at the message until it disappeared from her screen, and her phone refocused on the photo of them in the hammock. Maybe she should message him back? He was supposed to be with Jonah doing soundcheck, why did he have his phone?
ELLODY: yeah ok
ZACH: i can't call rn so i'm just going to text. What is happening with you and jonah??
ELLODY: we've just been talking
Ellody's heart was in her throat, she wanted to throw up, but she wanted to talk to him. She wished he was calling, as sick as she felt.
ZACH: so... i feel like u guys are getting really close and we're getting further apart
ELLODY: why do you say that
ZACH: I think you get what I mean. You haven't called me in days and you usually call me every five seconds
ELLODY: well yeah but jonah has been there for me lately and i haven't needed to talk to you every five seconds
ZACH: so you don't need me anymore
Ellody's face felt like it was on fire as tears streamed down her cheeks. She reached for the toilet paper to dry her face, but there wasn't any left.
ELLODY: of course i need you, i always have and always will need you zach
ZACH: lately you haven't seemed to??
ELLODY: jonah randomly called me when i needed him and i talked to him about it so i felt like i didn't need to talk to you about my problems
ELLODY: so i continued to talk to him about it and i just didn't need to talk to you about it
ELLODY: i'm sorry
She typed i love you, but deleted it. He didn't need to hear that right now.
ZACH: ok i've got to go do soundcheck ttyl
ELLODY: i'm sorry zachy
He saw the message, but there were no dots, no reply. No closure. No, I love you even though you won't talk to me about this. No, I'm here for you even if you want to go to Jonah over me. Just silence. And silence was somehow worse than anything he could possibly say to her. Ellody stared at the floor, unable to move, every inch of her wanting to call Zach and hear his voice and fly to his door and wrap her arms around him and sob...
"Ellody? Are you still here?" Sienna asked quietly, the bathroom door shutting with a squeak. She didn't reply, waiting for her sister to leave. She didn't have the energy to talk to her. Her jeans were wet with tears. "Listen up. I don't want to sit out there by myself avoid talking to dad without you. It's your fault for saying yes to mum when she suggested that we celebrate your stupid grades. You could've said no, and then we wouldn't be here right now. I'm serious," Sienna explained. There was an eerie silence, and Ellody realised there was no one else in the bathroom to give Sienna a weird look and make her feel awkward and leave. She was going to stand there and call her out for who knew how long.
"Not in the mood," Ellody mumbled, wiping her face on her shirt. Just go, Sienna. You have no idea what I'm going through right now. Just go.
"Hurry up and be in the mood! Mum started talking about the night of the concert and how nice it was of Jade to drop us home because Jaiden couldn't. I had to defend the lie without you!" Sienna bursted angrily. Ellody suddenly remembered that she had lied to her mum twice in the last week. Her heart ached, knowing that she would find out eventually.
Suddenly, Ellody knew she had to tell her mum. If she didn't tell her mum about everything, she would burst. About Zach, Jonah, the concert, her grades. Maybe she'd understand. Maybe she'd ground Ellody for life. But Ellody was too full of lies and anger and sadness and she couldn't hold it in any longer.
YOU ARE READING
Not Thinkin' Bout You
Fanfiction~COMPLETED~ Ellody Brown, a high-school girl who happens to be Zach Herron's best friend since childhood, hasn't told Zach how she feels about him. But what happens when feelings for someone else come in between them? Ellody struggles with anxiety...
