Satsuki Kiryuin Journal Entry 2

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Nightmare

"Why do we dream?

It's a question many philosophers have asked throughout human history. In the weakened state we call sleep, our brains create a complex fictional world that lasts only a few moments. The scientists say that dreams are the way we organize memories but why do they seem so real? 

Why do I always want to stay in them?

And... why do our brains create personalized hellscapes sometimes...

Last night I suffered through the longest nightmare I've ever had. It began with me falling through an infinite black void. I struggled to breath and my eyes refused to open. Every time I tried to scream, a whimper would escape my lips. I had no control over myself or of the situation I was in, like a higher power was refusing to let me exist. 

I know my fears... I know what scares me... and being powerless... is defiantly what scares me. 

The longer I fell, the more afraid I grew. I wanted to cry- cry out into the void- cry out for help- but I couldn't. My mouth was being held shut. Everything in my soul gave up all at once, I accepted the futility of my situation and just let it happen... why fight it? 

Then out of the pitch black abyss, right as I let go, a light forced my eyes to open. I could see. I could blink. I could cry. 

The light grew brighter and brighter as it got closer. All the fear in my body washed away as I stared at it. I was bathing in its homely embrace. 

The darkness was losing its grip on my body and I could finally yell out to the light. 

'(R/N)!', I screamed. 

'Satsuki, we will climb together', it said back. 

A hand reached out to me from the light. I took it immediately and stopped falling,  the darkness kept dissipating. 

I looked away from the light to face the void I was being dragged into. A pair of hungry glowing red eyes stared back at me, angry that it lost hold on my body. It was then and there I realized what the darkness was... 

...Junketsu.

I awoke in a cold sweat, staggering for air and shaking. I instinctively reached out across my bed to grab the only person who has ever brought me comfort just to realize that he wasn't there.

I wanted to document this nightmare while it was still fresh in my memory. It will fade away soon, just as all thing do, but I'm going to (R/N)'s room tonight to see if he'll let me sleep next to him. I will be breaking a major barrier between us, but I don't care. I need him right now. 

My hands won't stop shaking but thinking of his embrace is calming my nerves...

...I've always needed him."

- Satsuki Kiryuin 

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