Definition Of tmi

Litterally my darkest secrets

warning: blatant honesty ahead

And if you are Alexus, hide your ace eyes and go watch newsies please.

My life seems really nice from the outside. I'm the pastor's child who doesnt curse in their every day life, I dont show people my dirty messed up parts, and my biggest secret is this wattpad account.

My secret is not the account itself, but its what I reveal about myself through it. I've lived out many scenarios through my smut book that nobody would ever guess that I have.

People talk of me and my innocence and how it needs to be preserved. Little do they know I was never innocent.

Maybe my "innocence" is just fear of what people would think of me. My school growing up was full of kids who were far more innocent than me.

For the longest time since my childhood has started, I had already started to touch and pleasure myself. I litterally cant remember a time when I had not touched my genitals in a way that was most definitely not innocent.

Of course when I was very very young I dont think I touched them for pleasure. I think I just touched because I knew I shouldn't. Over time, I have no idea how, because I cant remember, but i discovered that I could feel good.

So whenever it was brought up in any way I would act clueless, as if I had no idea that they had a purpose for anything other than business done in the bathroom.

Of course that carried into my life as I grew up all the way until now, and most likely all of my future.

So of course now everyone believes that I would never do anything. The image I have put out to them is nearing perfect. Sure I have shown basic flaws, everyone has them and you cant fix them, but nobody has ever known this me.

Though I cant say the me that I show people every day is fake. Most times I do have trouble thinking dirty mindedly on the spot, and I believe that sexual actions with a partner takes time and trust. I believe that those things should be saved for when your deeply in love and your absolutely sure about the other person.

I'm not saying that I believe in no sex before marriage, but I do believe that it's not something you should be giving away without deep deep trust.

Then again the me that I show on Wattpad is also not the real me. Sometimes you will see me curse on here and that's not who I am. But I do let it slip once in a while because it feels safe and welcoming on here and I like to feel like I can still have the right to cuss. It sounds odd i know.

The me that is on here is the reason I havent slipped on my innocence to other people I know in person. I let it all out on here just to get it out.

Heck this might be too much information, but if you have read this far we are way beyond that. Just a couple of hours ago I was hanging out with my significant other.

I acted innocently, as the usual, and ended up snuggling up on his chest. I would also like to mention that he has tried to touch places such as my butt, but I said no.

I honestly have no idea if I wanted him to touch me there yet or not because I'm debating whether or not I can trust him with even the smallest part of the wattpad me. We have only been together for about six months (in a couple days). Anyways, that's for another time. Back to what I was saying.

I ended up curling up on his chest and almost falling asleep. It was very comforting but that is also besides the point. He texted me just about an hour ago ranting about how he just wanted to hug me and protect my innocence forever. It just so happened that when I opened that snap I had been pleasuring myself, and also imagining some very kinky things that I wanted to be done to me in that moment.

I've been terrified of litterally anyone ever finding out about what I do on here. And as a strong Christian I often wonder if this is making God unhappy with me.

So I may have rambled a bit too much in this because it's late at night and I've just been needing desperately to get at least a part of me out for someone to know.

So if your reading this you now have a better understanding of me than all of my closest friends and family will most likey ever have. Congrats.