Double Dare II waterparks

021

Awsten should have known better than to take Geoff up on his offer of a ride home.  He should have known it would turn into Geoff coming inside to talk things through.  Awsten doesn't want to talk things through; he wants to lay in bed with Jet and be miserable.  But Geoff is just way too good of a person to let that happen.  "Before you start lecturing me," Awsten starts off as he locks his door, "can I at least get a goddamn snack?"  "I'm not gonna lecture you," Geoff replies, rolling his eyes.  "See, that's what you always say before you lecture me 'cause you're a fuckin liar," Awsten mumbles bitterly, knowing that Geoff knows the words really don't mean anything.  "To be fair, if you were better at doing shit, I wouldn't have to lecture you," Geoff jokes, earning a weak half smile from Awsten.  "Fuck you," Awsten retorts dryly, "I'm fucking awesome at doing shit.  Look at all I've accomplished this week: asserting that I don't fucking have feelings for my best friend, planning to arrive on time instead of early to that best friend's graduation so that my other friend who's got feelings for her might get noticed for being fucking awesome but having the whole idea fuck me over by making me late in the end and nearly fucking missing it entirely, then realizing that I'm a dumbass and might have feelings for my best friend, and lets not forget fucking forcing myself to sit through dinner pretending I didn't fucking notice Otto hold her fucking hand under the fucking table when she was trying to hide how much it hurt to talk about that stupid fucking joke about us dating when Travis brought it up because he'd missed the whole fucking thing, oh and I should probably add on the fact that fucking two weeks ago I wouldn't have even noticed the hurt my stupid fucking joke caused because apparently I've been a really shitty excuse for a best friend for pretty much our whole fucking lives and now that I might actually feel something for her it's too fucking late because she's getting over me and Otto is a really fucking good guy and they can be really happy together and they deserve that and I don't want to fuck it up with these stupid fucking feelings that I don't even want.  Oh, and I need a new car 'cause mine's a fucking piece of shit and won't fucking start anymore.  Fuck.  It's only fucking Tuesday and I've already managed to fuck up my whole life; that's what I call a fucking accomplishment, Geoff.  Go ahead and fucking lecture me now if you want."  Geoff finds himself at a loss for words, watching Awsten wipe away some tears and laugh a pained, completely humorless laugh.  One thing about Awsten is, when he's extremely upset, he overuses the word fuck, in all its forms.  And once he's done letting out all the pent-up anger and frustration with himself because, for some reason with Awsten, whenever something goes wrong in his life, it absolutely has to be his fault, but once he rants all of that out, it's followed by something that's probably worse.  Crying.  Broken sobs, wrecked little mumbles about how he should've done better until he gets to the point that he can't really speak clearly.  Awsten Knight is not the person he displays himself as on Twitter, not entirely, at least.  Some aspects of his personality carry over but the internet doesn't have the privilege of knowing the real Awsten Knight, who fixates on every little mistake and could probably find a way to blame himself for just about anything and almost make it sound reasonable and loves too much, too easy and always seems to have his heart broken whenever he opens it up to love but still, even with all this pain, has undoubtedly, the kindest heart and the brightest smile and the most contagious laughter.  Awsten isn't his Twitter persona; he's so much more than that and Geoff sometimes wonders just how much of Awsten there is that he doesn't even know.  But, right now in this moment, Geoff comes close to wishing he only knew as much of Awsten as all the people on Twitter because seeing him break down is complete hell.  Awsten is crying now, not just the few tears he'd shed during his rant.  His whole body shakes with the force of it all and Geoff is sure that this is about a lot more than Awsten is admitting to.  "I-I fu-fucked up, sh-shoulda done b-better," Awsten mumbles, his voice shaking horribly.  "W-fuck, wh-why do I al-always do t-this?"  Geoff doesn't give a reply, instead hugging his friend because he really doesn't have the heart to tell Awsten this isn't his fault.  He knows Awsten wouldn't believe it anyway.  After a while, Awsten finally calms down a bit, his eyes bloodshot and his face all red and puffy from crying so much.  He looks exhausted, now sitting on the couch with Jet cuddled up in his lap.  He looks to Geoff and lets out a shaky breath before speaking.  "So, how do I stop having feelings for her?"  ░▒▓█▓▒░