Double Dare II waterparks

040

Awsten waits for a reply, shifting anxiously.  His words seem to hit grace with a physical force, like a direct hit to the face.  The pain is the first thing he sees register on her face, a hurt that appears to be more than that time she fell down the stairs and broke her arm when she first moved into her apartment.  Next is guilt, which confuses Awsten.  She has no reason to feel guilty.  Then comes sadness, overwhelming sadness that Awsten feels build up in him at the sight of it in her.  "Then book your damn flight," Grace mumbles, finally breaking the silence.  Awsten is stunned, having expected her to tell him not to go or something, anything other than telling him to go through with it.  He doesn't know why he's disappointed; he should be happy she's not arguing this.  He should be relieved but the way she's looking at him now is maddening.  He hates it; he'd much rather have her look at him the way she used to than the way she is now.  She seems to notice his shock and disappointment and speaks again.  "What?  Did you expect me to tell you to stay?  I'm not going to argue with you here.  I'm tired of hurting and guessing and trying to get things with you right and always getting them wrong, so don't screw with me here.  I'm not going to beg you to stay.  If you're going to leave, do it.  I'm honestly too tired for this, Awsten.  I'm exhausted and I can't deal with this."  "I'm not trying to hurt you here," he tells her, unable to look her in the eyes.  "Yeah, well, you're doing a really horrible job at not hurting me," she comments bitterly.  "That's why I gotta go," he responds, "I've hurt you...a lot.  And the night I snapped at you?  I knew that asking you to say what you did would hurt you.  I knew before I even asked for it but I still asked for it.  And I knew that kissing you would hurt you.  I still did it.  Every turn, I do the wrong thing with you even when I know it's wrong—even when I don't know it's wrong, I still manage to do the wrong thing.  That's not friendship.  That's...it's fucking toxic, Grace .  I want to be better.  For you.  Hell, even for me.  I can't rely on you the way I do.  It's bad for both of us and it's bad for whatever relationship you and Otto might end up having—"  "What does this have to do with us?"  "Mostly the fact that I hate hearing you refer to the two of you as us and I was tempted to say I have a problem with this when you said you wouldn't be with him if I had a problem.  And it's not because I don't want you to be happy, because I really do.  It's just me being jealous...and it's bad."