Dear Malia (Completed)

26 - gone

dear malia,

lila was dead. i had never been very good at comforting but i knew i had to be there for josh as best as i could. 

"i'm sorry," was the first thing out of my mouth.
"lily's gone," he repeated, as if he couldn't believe it himself. "the baby inside her. . . i was looking forward to being able to hold its hand, hug and snuggle it. i was gonna marry that girl and we were gonna start a family together, a life together. i can't. . . do that anymore."
"josh," i said, "i'm so sorry, i --"
"hannah. stop," he told me. "i don't want pity from my sister who has no idea what it's like to lose someone. you don't know how it feels."
"josh," i said, placing my hand on his shoulder. he shrugged it off and sat down in the chair, running his hands over his face.
"it's gonna be okay," i told him. "everything will--"
"how do you know?" he whispered into his hands that covered his face.
"what?"
"how do you know?" he said louder, removing his hands from his face. he stood up, his tall figure towering over me. "how do you know that everything is gonna be okay? you don't. you don't, hannah. i just lost the most important person to me and my child! how do you know it's going to be okay? you don't know a thing. lily meant everything to me and that baby. . . " he sighed and sat back down in the chair, placing his hands back over his face.
"what about me?"
"what?" he asked, removing his hands once more.
"what about me? i'm still here for you, and i love you. so what about me? i'm still here. " i wiped away a tear that had trickled down my cheek. "what about me?" i whispered.
"hannah," he said, standing up. he pulled me into a hug. "i'm sorry, you're right. you're here and i'm so grateful i have you. you're so important to me. i don't know what i'd do if i lost you too. but i didn't, and god, han, i don't think i could be more glad than i am to know that you're okay. i love you so much. don't ever think i don't care for you. you know that, right?
"i know," i whispered, burying my face in my brother's shirt. "yeah. i know."
and in that moment, as i stood hugging josh in the middle of a hospital hallway, i felt like things really would be okay.
actually, scratch that. i knew, malia. i knew everything was gonna be okay.

truly,
hannah