Just Before The Dawn [DaeJae]

Forty three

It was in the next afternoon, when Himchan stood in front of Youngjae's school, waiting for Daehyun. He felt nervous and a little sick, he had no idea what to say, how to explain what had happened, but he knew it had to be done. 

The bell rang and students started to leave the building. It took a few minutes, the he saw Daehyun approach the gate where he was waiting. He was accompanied by a tall boy Himchan did not know, which did not make the situation easier for him at all. 

"Himchan? What are you doing here?" Daehyun asked as he saw the older. Daehyun looked pale, dark shadows under his eyes. Himchan took a deep breath. 

"It's about Youngjae. He- he's in the hospital." 

Daehyun felt his heart sink at the words and exchanged a look with Junhong, who looked just as worried as he felt. "What? Why? Is he okay?" 

The older closed his eyes for a second. "He... tried to kill himself last night. I found him and called an ambulance." 

A feeling of pure shock overcame Daehyun, as he tried to process what Himchan had just said. Suddenly, he felt sick. This could not be true, right? It could not possibly be real. This had to be a bad dream, right? 

Unfortunately, he knew all too well that he was awake. After all, he had not slept all night, unable to forget the events of the day before. And Himchan's eyes told him he was telling the truth. 

"This can't be..." His shaking voice was nothing more than a whisper. He felt like he could not move, millions and millions of thoughts rushing through his head, all ending in the worst ways possible. Then one thought decided to stay in his head, glued to his mind. It was his fault. He had left the boy alone. 

"Dae?" he heard Junhong's voice. "Are you okay? Do you want to sit down?" 

Daehuyn shook his head, feeling his friend's warm hand on his back. "Himchan... will he be alright?" 

"I don't know. I'm sorry. I was there a few hours ago and they said they did what they could, but since I'm not family, they wouldn't tell me anything. Do you want to see him?" 

... 

Half an hour later, they reached the hospital. Entering the room a nurse had shown them, Daehyun felt his stomach clench when he saw Youngjae. The boy lied in the only bed in the small room, a few monitors around him. His face was almost white, his eyes closed. But he was breathing on his own and the line that showed his heartbeat was steady and regular. 

"He's sleeping." the nurse then said, "He's still weak, but stable." 

"Thank you" Himchan said to her, then the woman left the room. Daehyun was still staring at the boy in the bed. His eyes wandered across Youngjae's face, it was still obvious how much the boy had been crying. Crying because of him. 

"Sorry" he mumbled and turned around, quickly leaving the room. Out in the hallway, he sank down on one of the chairs lined up at the wall, burying his face in his hands. 

He could not believe it, he did not want to believe it. He just wanted to wake up from this nightmare. After a while, he felt a hand on his shoulder. 

"Dae..." Junhong said quietly, handing him a tissue. "He's gonna be alright. You heard the nurse, he's just sleeping. He's in good hands." 

"This is exactly what I never wanted to happen" Daehyun sobbed, "Why didn't I stay with him? Why did I leave him alone? This is all my fault..." 

"It's not your fault, Dae. Don't say that. You know he has really bad depression, this has nothing to do with you." 

"he would not have done it if I had stayed with him..." 

"How do you know that? We don't know for sure what triggered this. Maybe there wasn't a reason at all, maybe this was just his mental illness being an asshole. Don't blame yourself, he would not want that..." 

"I can't stop feeling guilty... I should have stayed and sorted this out with him..." he sobbed. "All I ever wanted for him was to be happy... He was getting so much better and now this happened... He doesn't deserve all this suffering..."