Through the Awakening (Harry Styles) [Bk. 2]

28. Finally Clean

Author's Note

Hey guys! How are you today? I am so sorry for that late update i have been feeling quite anxious today for reasons i reather not discuss but let's just say that sometimes it all gets too much...

Anyways, i feel bad for not updating so i have written this chapter for all of you to enjoy plus it cleared my mind of somethings. I hope you enjoy and please tell me what you think. Thank you. xx

Play song on the side!

Elizabeth’s POV

I quickly walk down the halls heading to my room holding back my tears. The last thing I need is for people to see me cry and ask me what's going on. Plus, if Caroline didn't have an actual reason to make fun of me now she will. As I approached my room I stepped inside and slam the door shut behind me. I quickly striped out of my uniform and change into more comfortable clothes before tossing myself on the bed and release my pain, in form of tears, into my pillow.

Oh, how I wish my parents were here. My parents were a lot of things but no matter what they loved me. They always knew what to say. My mom would always know what to say, or if she didn’t, she would just hold me and tell me that everything was going to be okay.

How can Harry do this? Does he even realize the hell that he put me through, leaving me the exact same day that my parents were killed? How can he think that just showing up here can fix everything? It can't!

I wipe my tears away with my fingers as I slowly sat up on my bed. I let out a shaky breath reaching over to my night stand grabbing my diary. I open to a new black page as I walk over across my room to sit at my desk turning on my lamp. I brush the few strands of hair that fell out of my pony tail behind my ears before letting out a sigh. I briefly close my eyes trying to shake off the painful unnerving feeling in the deep part of my stomach before pressing my pen down onto the page.

 

Dear Diary,

I'm just going to cut to the chase; Harry is here. To be honest, right now, I can't even bare to look at him. However, there is a tiny part of me that feels relieved knowing that I got the chance to see him again.  

The moment when he reached out to hold my hands, it felt like it was the first time again but i knew I had to pull away. Just like how I also know that I cannot forgive him so easily. I want to because I have missed him but I can’t. I also hate feeling this way, having guilt over not waiting for him.

What does he expect me to do? To just sit in my room until he finally decides to show up again? I know I’m sounding very hypocritical because I have done that but that was until I finally realized that I have to move on…or at least try. I can’t allow myself to believe that my world should stop spinning just because of some guy.

Alright, I have made my decision I will try to move on. It’s the best thing for me.

I will smile and it will be believable.

 

I closed my diary and let out a deep breath standing up walking towards my chest of drawers opening the second to last. I dug through my clothes until I found the small picture that I have kept hidden away knowing that I couldn’t get rid of everything.  I stared at the small picture that Harry and I had taken together on our date to the ice skating ring. I was smiling at the camera while he stood behind me kissing my cheek, smiling as well. I couldn’t help but think how perfect he looked without even trying to be.

I quickly brush away the few tears the feel down my cheeks with the tips of my finger and headed over to my closet taking out the cardboard box where I have packed everything inside that has some sort of resemblance to Harry. I place that small picture inside before closing the box and placed it back onto the shelf.

There it’s all put away…I’m clean. I’m clean from all of the beautiful torturing memories.

I walk back over to my bed and take out my phone out from my bag and text Aaron. Waiting for his response, I walk into my bathroom with my phone in my hand and stare at myself in the mirror.

“Ugh! I look so disgusting!” I groan starring at my reflection in the mirror placing my phone on the counter by the sink.

My skin looked so pale and I looked so small in my baggy sweatshirt. My hair was a mess considering it was tied still into a pony tail. A few lose strands of my hair had fallen out making it look like I had just woken up for the day. I scan my eyes further down my body; my mid thighs were showing between my black knee sock and the hem of my shirt. I scowl at myself knowing that I have lost weight, it clearly shows. I remove my attention off of my reflection in the mirror and turn on the water and try to clean off the smudged eye liner and mascara from under my eyes.  

After I was done I turned off the water and dry my face with a towel hearing my phone buzz against the black marble. I sniff and grab my phone unlocking my screen.

From: Aaron

Hey babe. What do you say if we go out tonight? ;)

 

To: Aaron

Okay, where?

 

From; Aaron

Don’t worry about that. Just get ready and I’ll pick you up in a few.

P.S: Wear something sexy ;)

 

I roll my eyes and smile. Okay, I think I can do that. No, I have to do that… I have to do this. I glance back up into my reflection in the mirror, giving myself a nod.

“Okay, Elizabeth, you can do this.” I said holding my hands out. “You are going to smile and it will be believable” I whisper lifting my chin up before storming out of the bathroom to look for something to change into.