Streets and Sheets 5

24. Home

"It showed me I can't live without you. I'd rather give all of this up then to be without you." Sloane continued to speak.

"Just hear him out for a bit." Dr. Sela sat back watching our interactions. She could see my pull away.

"I'm really trying but..." I began to speak.

"Don't try, do. Sit back and listen to your spouse. You don't have to be tough here this is a safe space to be vulnerable." Dr. Sela called me out. She made me realize that there is more to Sloane's words
than I thought.

"Sloane." She gave him the cue to continue speaking.

"I have been doing personal sessions with Dr. Sela twice a week outside of our couples session because I made you a promise..." I was taken back at the information.

"I promised you that I would be better and this was a step for me." He sat back finally beginning to get some things off of his chest.

"I can be honest and tell you I didn't know what it meant to be married when I proposed to you. I knew that it secured our forever but I don't think I was ready for everything that came with it. But now E. it's become a little clearer." I relaxed.

"Sloane wanted to keep our sessions a secret but I think that you seeing him take time out of his day to better himself is him not only trying to do better but actually taking strides." Dr. Sela checked her watch. I instantly remember the conversation that we had when I told him that I was not trying but I was doing what needed to be done to save a relationship. Well the statement was halfway true it definitely got through to him.

"I know it must be hard for you to do..." I started before he filled in my pause.

"I told you I would do anything." I apologized for not letting him finish the first time. In the beginning of the counseling process I instantly regretted it. I thought that it would be a waste of time but continue to go in order to prove a point.

"I understand why my absence at that time and any other time put a strain on our relationship. Not only was it wrong for me to do that to you but it is wrong to put my son in the middle. No matter how I was feeling or how I thought you would feel I should've been there." My heart sank knowing that I was finally being heard.

"A person can't do that to somebody that they love. My father did it to my mother and for me to do it to you was repeating a vicious cycle that will inevitably affect our kids." I could see and feel that his personal sessions were working because none of these things came out of his mouth before.

"Now, even though our time for this week is done I want you both to continue to shift back in to your family model. Continue to remember what is important." We said our good buys to Dr. Sela and set up our next appointment. It took us a little bit to leave the office and make our way downstairs in the parking lot.

"I am sorry that I've been so cold toward you at times..." Hearing Sloane's comparison of us and his parents not always scared me but let me know that he understood everything that I was try to say. The comparison scared me so much that tears began to form in my eyes.

"But I love you. I love you so so much and I'm tired of acting I don't just to hurt you Sloane." My voice cracked as we walked to our vehicles. He stopped me pulling me out of the middle of the street as cars passed us.

"E please come home." I gave in. They have been eight months since our second son was born with means it has been eight months that I was living in my townhome. It has been the 8 whole months since Sloane and I shared a bed for more than a few nights a week or did anything a normal family would do. The good thing about all of this is that the boys will be too young to even remember that there parents split up for almost a year.

"I'm not sure how much longer I can last in a 5 bedroom house by myself. We built it together... I mean if you are ready." I decided to go against my better judgment.

"I'm ready." I said swiftly. I took a a few seconds to realize what I just said.

"Are you serious? Like for real?" I could tell he didn't think it was going to be that easy. I let him come to terms with what I said.

"I am. This can't get back to what it used to be if we are lifting 25 minutes apart..." I hesitated a little wondering if this was the right choice. I was doing fine with my new lifestyle but it wasn't conducive to my kids or my sisters.

Now with Deontay finding a new path in life I was certain that I needed to get back on mine.

"Don't get me wrong, the town house if very cozy but it isn't home. The boys are almost one and three and deserve a home." I finished taking a step towards him.

"Is this for the boys or for you? Well let me rephrase that. Is it for the boys or for us?" He dug deeper. I took a deep breath looking a way for an instant.

"Both. I'm doing this for us and for the boys. I want... I need for us to go back to the days of the brown stone." I longed for the less complicated parts of the relationship.

"I can't get the good without the bad but I think we have had enough bad."

"I know, I know and I'm just glad that you at giving us a chance to get back to the good."