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letter to Darshan

“Once a fangirl always a fangirl.” “Once a fangirl always a fangirl.” I sat on my study table. Tears were rolling down from my cheeks. It feels like they have became my constant companion. I took out my diary. I hugged it.
Dear Darshan,
Hope you're doing well. Today I'm writing it because I'm no longer be able to keep this inside me. It's getting heavier and heavier. So I thought to write you a letter though it'll never reach to you.
Darshan, I'm your fangirl. My teenage, my life everything was filled with you and your memories. When we didn't know each other, just like your any other fangirl, I used to drool over you. When you uploaded a smiling pic or we get a video where you were smiling, laughing, irritating others. We lived that moment with you. And now when we know each other and I see you in front of my eyes, I feel blessed. Because this precious creation of God is laughing with me, irritating me. I love to become your easy prey whom you can irritate.  I still remember the day When I first saw you live. I was thinking that it's a beautiful dream. And if I blink or move this dream will end. I was staring at you without blinking. Then we became friends . We started sharing our day to day life. You took all my problems as your own.The way you took care of people around you, the way you encourage them, the way you pushed them to do all the things they thought they can't , it's a matter of time I fall for you even harder. The way you were comfortable being around me, made me vulnerable. And I thought, maybe you're in the same position as me . I was thinking maybe you have the same feelings as I have. But I was wrong. I know I became vulnerable after hearing that you love pri. But what crushed me down was that one line you said. “Once a fangirl always a fangirl.”  You've crushed me in such a way that I don't know how to fix myself. I'm feeling like to lose myself in the crowd. Did I read all the signs wrong, Darshan? Were I over-expecting?
But after all of this, when you're not mine, even I'm having a feeling to loose you. The thought of losing you made me realise maybe we're not meant to be soulmates . But we can still be best friend. As I think I was. I'll be always there when you'll need a shoulder, when you'll need a hand to wipe your tears, I'll be always there when you'll need a friend who'll listen to you.  And I'm ready for being your best friend for the rest of my life. Because I'm not ready to loose you. Not now.not tomorrow. Not in future. Tomorrow is a very big day for you! And I'll make sure that in near future you won't say,  this day could be better. I promise.
Yours,
(Best frined) FANGIRL.