My Insurgent Life (Completely Fanfiction) Wattys2015

Chapter 12

        "Jade, get up, come on." I hear Alice's voice say to me. "Jade, it's your turn to take watch."

        I groan quietly and open my eyes, the sky is still dark, but the faint light of the sun rising in the distance is enough to see Alice standing in front of me, Lamar slowly waking up beside me, and Grace lying down in the grass on her side.

        I push myself to my feet and lean against the tree. I feel the bark digging into my skin through my shirt, ignoring this, I scan the area, checking for anything suspicious. Nothing holds my attention.

        I feel a hand on the small of my back, I glance over my shoulder to see Lamar behind me. He smiles at me.

         I take in a deep breath and say, "It's my watch, you shouldn't have to do it with me."

        "I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep anyway." Lamar says. "And plus, I get to talk to you, and I feel like I haven't really in a while. So let's just talk."

        I take in a deep breath and sigh. "Okay." I say. I slide down the side of the tree until I am sitting again. Lamar sits next to me.

         For a few moments we sit in silence. "Do you want to go back for your father?" I hear him ask.

          I think about his for a few moments. "No, even if he were still there- and who knows if he is?- what if . . ." I almost choke on the thought of not finding him, or not alive.

         "No, he can't be . . ."He starts. "He's got to be alive, the Dauntless traitors would only kill Divergents, that's all they're programmed to do."

        Then, I wonder what if my father is Divergent.

        But he can't be,  he would've said something.

        Then,  I realize something. He wouldn't have said anything, due to the fact that he might be discovered.

        Tears rise to my eyes. But they wouldn't be able to tell would they? The Dauntless traitors can't know, not by just looking at him. I press my hands to my eyes, preventing the tears from escaping.

        After a few moments, I speak again. "I have to go to Erudite." I say. "I have to stop this."

        "What?" Lamar questions. "You can't go to Erudite, it isn't safe there, you could die there, Stella. There's no point in going somewhere if there's noway you'll live."

        "What makes you think they'll kill me?" I ask him. "What makes you think they would kill their own sister?"

        "Your brother shot you, if he had the courage to do that, why wouldn't he kill you if you returned?"

        "He shot me in the arm, if he had wanted me dead, he would've killed me then, that's how he is."

        "What if he changed his mind? What if he just didn't want you dead then, but sees you as a threat to his plan now?"

        "That's like him, he doesn't change his mind. I know him."

        "How many years has it been since you really knew him? He's in a different faction now, has been for a few years. He's probably changed. You don't know him anymore."

        His words stick in my mind with a glue so strong I can't force them out. You don't know him anymore.

        I push myself to my feet. "How can you say he's changed? You never knew him, not like I did. You can't just assume he's changed just because he switched factions, or he shot me. I know there's still that part of him that's related to me, because he shot me in the arm, the fact that he didn't kill me then means he doesn't want me dead, so he won't kill me. And I'm going to Erudite. You can't stop me."

        I turn my back to him and run, I am not going to Erudite, just away from him. He calls for me, and I don't stop until I am far away from the group, but I can still see them. I sit in the grass, my knees pulled to my chest and my arms curled around them.

        I scan the area again -- nothing. I wait for a long time, staring out into the distance, in the direction of the rising sun. When it is high enough, I am on my feet again, and so is the rest of the group. I see them starting towards me, I don't stop them, but I want them to.

        I look at Lamar and remember our conversation, and my legs begin to shake with the urge to run away from him. His eyebrow are lowered, and I see, in his eyes, that he is upset with me. Probably for not considering his side of our argument, for running away from him, and ignoring his calls, and, most of all, for telling him he couldn't stop me from going to Erudite.