Love,
I missed you so much. I write this all the time in my letters, but I just miss you. I want to know how you're doing but it's impossible right now.
I'm doing great. Life has been kind to me these days. Work is still hectic as before but generally I'm doing well. Everything is perfect except I'm missing you.
You know, I enjoy deep sea fishing. I finally used Jimin's gift last Christmas. I invited our friends one time and you will never believe this, Yoongi! Min Yoongi likes fishing as well. I hope I can do this with you too. I hope you're doing well my love. I am still waiting for you.
Always take care.
Namjoon's absence is life changing in Seokjin's word. There are pros and cons of not having his husband but Seokjin know in himself that he is doing so much better than before.
Hard days are always there. Days that he just wished to see the younger. Be with him when he wants to turn around to the world. Or thoose times when he just felt so much love for Namjoon and he doesn't know what to do to express that enormous amount of emotions.
Those are times when he cried himself to sleep. Wearing the younger's clothes, although that comforting scent was already washed away long time ago.
But Seokjin cannot deny how much he discovered himself. He realizes that he like things in certain way. That he is adventurous enough to try deep sea fishing and that he is also interested in learning to play piano with the help of Yoongi.
Seokjin experienced the freedom that was taken away from him. Question that keeps repeating in his mind were already forgotten and his heart is light as a feather. Free from everything that is holding him back before.
He also realizes things while waiting for Namjoon to come back. He realizes that he needs to be responsible for himself.
Looking back with everything happened; he can finally point out what went wrong. Why he's so scared of everything and the cause of the biggest mistakes that he made.
Seokjin realize that he unconsciously expects his husband to take away everything that he doesn't want to face.
He rely on Namjoon so much that he forgot how to protect himself with the things that the younger cannot win over with.
His emotions, his nightmares, his past and those pain and grudges that he keeps on his heart. Without him knowing, he asks the younger to take full responsibility of his life and that's the reason why he's so scared to lose him.
But living without Namjoon forced him to be responsible with everything about his life. It is hard sometimes. But not having his husband is like not having an option but to face every challenge head on.
He realizes how much he's grown since his husband left that night. Seokjin wonder how much he still needs to learn before Namjoon decided to come back.
Writing a letter for Namjoon is something that Seokjin always do now. Especially when the world decides to be extra mean to him or when his mind is running miles away at night.
Writing these words like he's talking with the younger became his late night therapy. All his thoughts were dump in that blank piece of paper without thinking about anything or anyone that can be hurt.
