Wants And Needs ✔︎ [unedited]

Chapter 1

— To love is to heal —

STUPID FEELINGS

“Calia...” nanghihina ang aking boses habang nagdadalawang isip kung itutuloy ko pa ang aking sasabihin.

Kakatapos lang ng hapunan at ngayon ay nakahiga lang ako sa kama sa kuwarto. Calia was busy scrolling up and down through her phone. Nang marinig niya ang kaniyang pangalan ay humarap siya sa akin at pinatay niya muna ang cellphone niya.

Para siyang isang matalik na kaibigan mong handa nang makinig sa problema mo. I do have a problem and Iʼm every day carrying it with me.

“I want to talk to someone.” I said like I asking for permission. She only gave me her sweet smile.

“Baʼt nagpapaalam ka pa sa ʼkin?” mahinahong tanong niya. Tunog galit para sa akin pero wala naman iyong ibang ibig sabihin.

“Hindi ko alam.” nagkibit-balikat ako. “Thereʼs just a part of me saying na dapat kong ipaalam sa ʼyo ang ginagawa ko.”

“Hmm okay.” Awkwardness filled the whole  room. “What is it?”

“I wanna talk to Crystal tonight.” saad ko.

“Okay, go ahead.” sambit niya sabay tango. It is as if she really donʼt mind. “Be right back before the clock ticks 10, okay?”

“Yeah...”

Huminga ako ng sobrang lalim. Tila napakabigat sa pakiramdam ng gagawin ko. Hays, ewan ko ba kung bakit naisip ko pa ang ganitong bagay.

— WAN —

Simpleng T-shirt and shorts lang ang suot ko. Nakalimutan ko ang magdala ng jacket man lang dahil nang lumabas ako ng hotel ay naramdaman ko ang lamig ng hangin. But it doesnʼt bother me so yeah, itʼs fine.

I came to meet Crystal at the bar area. Well the wines there are the best so I want to taste one of our highly recommended drinks.

I saw her waiting in the counter alone. She was wearing a white beach dress and matte blue blazer. We stared at each otherʼs eyes. Then I went to the counter too, so I can sit beside her.

“Are you okay?” I suddenly asked after seeing her eyes become teary.

“Yes... Itʼs just tears of joy.” she smiled and laughingly wiped them off her skin.

I laughed a bit, and I took a wise guess, “I bet youʼre thinking about Calvin.”

She nodded, “Masaya lang ako para sa aming dalawa.”

“Seems to be the reason.” tanging nasabi ko. The silence came to meet us. It was so quiet along the place. It feels awkward to talk to her in this state.

“Iʼm happy now, Adrian.” she muttered.

“I know. But why did you let go on us?” pareho kaming natigilan sa sarili kong tanong. Is there even something wrong with the question?

“Let go on us?” she asked back.

That woke me up and it knocked me down. If her response is lethal, Iʼm dying.

“Listen, Iʼm thankful that I have you beside me when Iʼve been through depression, anxiety and other hardships that the accident caused to me. If Iʼve felt something in one of those days, itʼs not romantic. You are my best friend, Adrian...” she said as she clarify things. Everything seem to get more blurry and difficult for me to understand. Her explanations doesnʼt sink in.