Vivid

XI

"Lumayo ka sa'kin, Clyde!" Pinilit kong ilayo ang aking sarili kay Clyde nang lumapit siya sa akin pagkatapos umahon sa dagat.

"Let's swim! Sayang ipinunta mo dito kung ibuburyo mo ang sarili mo dyan!" Pamimilit niya sa akin. Mas pinili ko kasi na manatili sa chaise lounge kaysa maligo sa dagat.

Hinatak niya ako kaya napadikit ako sa kaniya. Basa na tuloy ang suot kong shirt and cotton short. Pinili ko kasi na iyon na lang ang ipatong sa one piece swimsuit na suot ko.

"Punyeta!" Tulak ko sa kaniya. Tuwang-tuwa naman siyang lumayo sa akin at tinahak ang daan pabalik sa dagat ng nakatingin sa akin. I rolled my eyes, then removed my shirt. Narinig ko pa ang pagsipol niya. Hindi ko na tinanggal ang suot ko na cotton short at hinabol siya. Nagpatianod naman siya sa pagtakbo.

Naglaro kami sa dagat. Medyo malamig na ang tubig dahil hapon na nang maisipin naming lumabas. Sobrang init kasi kanina hindi ko alam kung kakayanin ng balat namin. Atsaka wala akong balak magpabago ng kulay ng balat.

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Hindi namin napansin na tuluyan na pa lang lumubog ang araw. Tanging ilaw na lang sa malayong poste ang liwanag sa paligid, habang pinagpipilitan namin ni Clyde na magkasya sa isang chaise lounge.

I decided to put my head on his arm and cling to his body while my eyes stuck in the moon. He put his hand on my back preventing me from falling to the sand. He used his fingers to draw scribble words on my back. This feels nice. Silence and the sounds of waves are dominating the place.

"Yves," He started. I tried to look at his face. The light of the moon radiates on his face. He remained looking in the moon while I stare at his face. "What are we?" He asked. Stating the question that is repeatedly running through my mind since, the time that I entered his unit.

"No, Clyde. What are we?" Balik kong tanong sa kaniya. He didn't answer. Even me, I don't know what is the answer to that question.

"I think we should go back already." Iwas ko sa katahimikan na bumabalot sa aming dalawa. Tumayo na ako at inayos ang shirt ko na bahagyang tumaas mula sa pagkakahiga. Killing the awkwardness that is starting to build up between the two of us.

He stopped me by holding my hands. Nilingon ko siya. Waiting for the next words that he would utter.

"Yves," He pulled me, decreasing the distance between the two of us. "Can I keep you?" My heart started to pound rapidly. I felt breathless with the sight of his eyes.

"Will you be mine?" He intently asked me. I couldn't answer. I calculated the consequence of us being together. Can I fully trust him? Can I let him hold me when my heart is still full of agony and rage? Should I choose my heart, disregarding the fact that it might hurt him in the future? No. That's selfish.

Before I could answer, I already saw the pain that brushes on to his eyes.

"I'm sorry." Mahina kong bigkas sa kaniya at iniwas ang aking tingin. Payak siyang natawa. I can feel how hurt he was because of my answer. I closed my eyes. I can't show him that I'm also hurting because of the choice that I picked.

"Why?" I didn't answer. I removed his hands and stand properly. But for the nth time, he stood and stopped me again from going out of his sight. "Tell me, Yves? I need to know why or I'll end up crazy." When I found his eyes, tears were already starting to form on it. No, he can't cry. He shouldn't cry.