Vivid

XIX

Vivid.

That memories lingered in me. It was so vivid that I almost thought I was still living in it. But, I wasn't. It was all part of my memory lane and I couldn't do anything to change what already happened in the past.

Up until now, those memories hunt me. At the same time, it was choking, over and over again. It felt like dying all over again.

How I wish fate aligned with us that time. Or we shouldn't have met in the first place, if it would ruined us in the end. But unfortunately, time is unstoppable and change is inevitable.

I remember the line I've read from a Mutual Need Therapy book, describing the book of Hyemeyohsts Storm entitled Seven Arrows. The author stated that the first thing Storm described the Cheyenne Culture was that one way in which all the People were created equal is their loneliness. I cannot presume if we're both lonely, only him can say if loneliness brought us together. But for me, I think it was.

Clyde drew line connecting me and happiness. It was ecstatic that I could wish for more, the same way I was eaten by thoughts that I might hurt him.

It has been years already, and I'm still stuck and I have reasons for being like that up until now. I can't run away from someone that already part of me like flesh and blood.

"Engr. Alcantara?" It wasn't enough to bring me back to my sanity. I was drowning from my own memory.

"Engr. Alcantara, are you still with us?" Nabalik ako sa wisyo. Gusto kong pukpukin ang aking ulo nang maalala ko na nasa meeting ako ngayon. Napansin kong lahat sila ay nakabaling sa akin at naghihintay sa aking tugon.

"Pardon?" Nakita ko ang pagkunot ni Engr. Morayta, head engineer ng department namin. Lalo akong kinain ng kaba. You're so stupid, Yves! Alam mong mainit ang ulo sa'yo ng lalaking iyan!

"We don't need your daydreaming here, Engr. Alcantara. Go out, if you don't have time to listen." Madiin nitong bigkas. Napatikom ako ng bibig at napayuko dahil sa kahihiyan. I know his actions of embarrassing me will not stop here, hanggang pagtapos nitong meeting ay kakausapin niya pa rin ako.

"I'm sorry, Engr. Morayta." I stated like it was a sour taste in my mouth. It was disgusting.

"As I was saying Engr. Alcantara, if you didn't listen to me a while ago, we will be partnered with Guzman Corp. for the upcoming construction of Baltasar Resorts in Bulacan. You, together with Engr. Aguilar will be assign there, do you have any objection?" Gusto ko siyang ikutan ng mata sa sobrang inis. Noong nakaraang linggo ako rin ang in-assign niya sa construction ng hotel sa Makati. Now, I'll be handling two major projects and I have no say on that.

"But sir how about the Power Hotel in Makati? I'm also part of-" Hindi ko na natuloy ang sinasabi ko ng sinapawan niya na ako agad.

"Are you the one who'll decide here, Engr. Santillan?" Pigil na pigil akong sagutin siya. I can't. Hindi ako pwedeng matanggal sa trabaho. He's still superior, I hate to admit that but I can't do anything.

"No, sir. But that might af-"

"Then, we're done here. Meeting adjourned." Nagtayuan na ang ibang mga engineer habang ang iba'y nakatingin sa akin ng may awa sa kanilang mga mata. Lumapit sa akin si Engr. Aguilar at tinapik ang aking braso bago pilit akong nginitian. Habang nanatili naman akong nakaupo at kagat labing pinapakalma ang aking sarili.

Nilabas ko ang hanging bumabara sa paraan ko ng paghinga. Naiwan akong mag-isa sa loob ng conference room habang at hindi gumalaw sa aking pagkakaupo.