Vivid

XX

I didn't plan anything to do tonight, even though it's Friday, and almost every graduating students were partying their ass out there. Tinanggihan ko si Kaye pati na rin ang anyaya ni Aubrey. I'll just enjoy myself tonight, just me.

Before I went home, I made myself go to the grocery store to buy some stuffs, food and of course, drinks that I can grab all by myself. Naisip ko na yayain na lang sila Kaye sa condo but not today, maybe next time. I don't want them to notice that I'm actually bothered and problematic because of Clyde. So, I'll deal with it, myself.

Una akong dumaan sa necessities section, I grabbed some pads, alcohols, and tissues. Kaunti na lang yung stock ko sa condo. Everytime that I will see some stuff and decide that I will need it, I just grabbed it and put it to my cart.

Then, I went to meat section. I looked at the raw chicken as I try to think of what possible dish I can cook with it, but I realized that I'll just buy it if I already have plans. Tutal marami pa namang stock ng meat sa condo.

Plus, the raw samgyup that Clyde bought for me is still there. Sabi niya nung nakaraan kakainin namin after my thesis defense for celebration, but because of his actions, which I still don't know the reasons, it's still there.

Including the side dishes and the newly bought portable stove and butane gas. I made myself a mental note to check the expiry dates of the food. I'll asked Kaye and Aubrey to come in my condo this weekend. Kami ang kakain nu'n. Bahala na siya sa buhay niya.

Nang mapadaan ako sa spices and seasonings, agad akong dumampot ng cumin and cinnamon powder, hindi ko rin alam kung bakit nawala yung dalawang spices na 'yon sa condo, sisipain ko talaga si Clyde kapag nalaman kong inuwi niya sa condo niya yung dalawang spices ko na iyon.

Speaking of Clyde, and his problems of course, I still can't get it and I'm mad at him for ignoring me like that.

You can't just let someone get used to your presence everyday, then all of a sudden, distance yourself. Ghost them. That's just so rude, and hurtful in the same way.

And I'm his girlfriend so, he can't do that to me. I'm his girlfriend, right? Am I?

That idea run through my mind over and over. We didn't talk about our label. But, I just can't say that we're just friends. We have a mutual understanding about our feelings and something happened between the two of us.

This is the first time that he acted like that. I can't read it. I'm not good in this. He bombarded my walls and he's the first one who did that, and now, filled me with confusion.

I want to blame it all to him, the reason why my heart tightens everytime, I will get reminded by the way he looked at me that time in the library, it's just suffocating.

Pagkatapos ko mamili ay agad akong dumiretso sa unit, walang lingon lingon sa pinto ng unit ni Clyde. I just can't accept the fact that up until now, he's still not opening something to me. Like I'm nothing to him.

I cleaned my self and did my skin care routine before wearing my silky night dress, spaghetti dtrap to make myself feel better.

After that, I made myself busy preparing the chips that I have bought. Kumuha na rin ako ng dalawang beer to jug in.
I enjoyed myself that night. I 'netflix and chill' and somehow the series I had watched made me feel better. It gave me an escape to the reality I am facing.

Natapos ako ng mga halos alas-tres ng madaling araw, doon lang ako nagdesisyon na matulog na dahil medyo ramdam ko na rin ang hilo dahil dinagdagan ko pa ang alak na kinuha ko kanina, making it five bottles.