Golden Hour

2

"Somethings changed," I told Sarah who was sitting across from me. We were seated in my apartment having lunch that she brought over.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, he didn't come to Harry's party a few days ago which is weird. We literally talked about how he was flying in at noon and He'd rest then we'd go together because we hadn't seen each other for 2 months. Then as soon as he came he left saying he had to work. It just doesn't make sense."

"I have no idea, that is really strange though," she said in deep thought.

"Say it," I said looking at her, she obviously had something on her mind.

"It's just," she paused. "You don't think, he's cheating?" she said timidly. Just that like all the realisation came crashing down as I pieced together every odd moment I found.

"Babe, I just want to watch the movie," he said removing my hand from behind his neck and leaning away from my kiss.
-
"I have to go," He said standing up quickly.
"You just got here 5 minutes ago," I gaped annoyed. "I cooked dinner," I said confused. He had literally just walked through the door, used the restroom, and was now leaving.
"Sorry," he said but his words didn't match his eyes.
—
"I miss you," I said through the phone. We had one month until he came back home and movie recording was over.
"You too," he said not looking at the screen.
"So how are you feeling? This is a big project," I said trying to initiate conversation.
"Yeah it's cool," he shrugged shortly ending the conversation saying he was tired.
—
"I love you," I said smiling at my phone screen.
"Sorry, babe, I really have to go."
—
My heart broke as she said those words, because as much I didn't want to admit it, it was completely believable.

"Oh god," I said feeling weak. "We haven't slept together since he's been back. Which is not normal, anytime we see each other after weeks of being apart we practically stay in the bedroom," I said running my hands over my face. "He literally hasn't tried any physical contact. I'm the one making the moves of kissing him and holding his hand. Not to mention, he's been back 4 days and we haven't even went out yet. Like no dinner, or dates."

"I'm sorry," she said sympathetically.

"I don't get it, we were good, right?" I asked more to myself than her.

"I think you need to talk to him before this gets dragged out," she said softly. I nodded because words weren't coming to my mouth.

"I feel sick," I finally said with tears forming in my eyes. "I love him so much."

"I'm so sorry babe," she said moving from her spot to sit next to me and hug me.

"Here's what's gonna happen. You're going to talk to him today, get it over with, then you're going to come to my place and spend the night. We're going to dance, get drunk and eat way too much food," she smiled. I nodded and gave her an appreciative smile.

It wasn't long before I finally convinced her I was okay and I needed to get ready. It was already 3 p.m. so I got dressed in black skinny jeans and a loose v-neck black shirt with the top buttons undone, it was risqué but I at least had to look sexy if I was breaking up with Jason.
By 5 I had a bag packed to sleep at Sarah's and I was fully ready to confront Jason. The closer the I got to his place the more angry I felt. Was there something wrong with me? He was the third guy to cheat on me. Maybe I wasn't pretty enough, funny enough, smart enough, talented enough. Maybe I was bad in bed. Although, sex was always average. We never really explored new things, I tried to initiate change but he always said no. All I know is, I need to fix whatever it is.

"Hey babe," He smiled opening the door but I just pushed past him.

"Just tell me," I said crossing my arms over my chest. I couldn't handle acting like everything was alright.

"Please, just tell me. Is it me? What did I do?"

"Ca-"

"Please, Jason. I am begging you, if you ever loved me please just tell me know."

He sighed and nodded his head. "Things were good, in the beginning. You would visit me and it was fun. I just wanted it to be fun," he said slowly. "The night after I told you I loved you, everything changed. I really thought I did, Cash. I thought I was finally ready to just be in a committed relationship. But, I just felt like I had to say it," he said with regret in his voice.

"Did you cheat?" I asked harshly.

"I didn't mean for it to happen," he said making me laugh. "I swear, I never wanted to hurt you."

"Did you even regret it?" I asked with more pain in my voice. The anger was turning to heartbreak and the last thing I wanted was for him to see me cry.

"Cash," he started before I laughed again.

"You can burn the things I had here, don't ever talk to me again," I said pushing past him and walking to my car.

He didn't try to stop me. He didn't try to explain anything. He didn't love me.

I made it all the way to Sarah's house without crying. The heartbreak turned to anger again, I felt like I was on a rollercoaster. I grabbed my bag and let myself into her house with the key I had. I dropped my bag before calling her name trying to find her.

Eventually I found her outside with Mitch and Harry. I was actually relieved to see them there. I couldn't bear repeating this story more than once. I stepped through the door and Sarah's eyes found mine immediately standing up and walking over to hug me. I couldn't help the tears that have been threatening to pour out anymore. My lips quivered as she walked closer. By the time her arms were tightly around me I was sobbing.
We stayed there for five minutes before I finally pulled away and wiped my eyes. The tears were over and the anger was there again.

"I need a drink," I said walking to the outdoor fridge to grab a bottle of vodka and sprite. I poured a generous amount of vodka and topped it off with sprite before sitting with the three of them.

No one said anything as the music played softly in the background. "It's me right?" I finally spoke looking at each of them. "The third guy to cheat on me! Obviously I am the problem, what is it? Am I not attractive? Talented? Is there a huge flaw that I don't see?" I asked before my eyes rested on Harry's.

"I mean, what is it? Y'know he didn't even love me," I laughed bitterly. "He said it because he felt like he had to. 4 months being in love with a guy who was fucking someone else. Best part, he doesn't feel guilty about cheating. He wanted it to be fun," I said sourly. "What the hell does that even mean? We're 25! I'm going to be 26 in a month! Am I stupid for wanting a committed relationship?!" Once my rant was over no one spoke. They knew I needed a moment.

"He's a fucking idiot," Harry said with malice in his tone. "There is nothing wrong with you, there is something wrong with him."

"You're a catch babe, and if he can't see that, his loss," Sarah said grabbing my hand.

"I need more alcohol," I muttered finished the drink I had and standing up.

Pretty soon we were all drunk and playing The Rolling Stones a little too loud.

"Y'know what?!" I slurred while we danced around the fire Mitch made. "I am a fucking catch. I'm a queen. I am a talented producer, song-writer and singer. I don't need, Jason fucking Scott in my life."

They all cheered and agreed with me. This lasted approximately ten seconds before I burst into tears and started questioning my self-worth again. Eventually someone post-mated food to Sarah's house and we all ate in the living room. I sobered up a little bit with the large amount of food consumption and asked Sarah if we could watch a horror film. We decided on a classic, Nightmare On Elm Street, before we all grabbed a bowl of popcorn and snuggled into her couch. Harry was on my right, Sarah on my left, and Mitch on her left.
I wasn't a fan of break ups but having my best friends here to be sad, angry, or happy with me made all the difference.

///
I know this seems sudden but trust me when I say Cash needed this heartbreak. Thanks xx