Golden Hour

13

Going back home for thanksgiving was never appealing, especially now. I was almost convinced Jared was behind stealing my two master's. He was the only one who knew about them.

"We should write together," Jared smiled giving me a hug from behind.

"Hmm, maybe," I teased turning around giving him a quick kiss. Ever since Jared and I made things official two weeks ago we had been inseparable. Which is how we found ourselves with two completed songs that I was going to record in the studio.

Technically the songs were equally Jared's as well as mine. After the catastrophe of our relationship ended I took the master's and locked them away. I should have burned them, I wasn't ever going to release them. They were too painful of a reminder of that time.

Knowing Jared was back made fear course through my veins. The night that Jared left had always been hazy in my mind, he'd hit me so many times I didn't leave my house for three weeks until the bruises on my face started to fade.

It was the worst day of my life. So many things happened that day I was surprised I wasn't in the hospital.

I was heaving over the toilet when Jared walked into the apartment. He was going to be so upset that I hadn't cleaned the kitchen yet, one coffee mug still in the sink and he would burst with anger.

"What's wrong with you," his heartless question almost made me think he cared.

"I think I'm pregnant," I said slowly not looking into his eyes.

"What?!" He yelled grabbing my hair and yanking my hair to look at him.

"I haven't taken a test but my period is late and this is the third day I can't keep my breakfast down."

"Well you aren't keeping it. You're body barely looks good now much less after you give birth. Fuck, you would be an awful, ugly mother."

His harsh words were so common to me now that I didn't even question them anymore, I would be an awful mother.

"Get up, we're going to the clinic."

My protests were met his hands harshly gripping me and telling me I didn't have a choice, my body was his body.

The lady at the clinic confirmed my fears that I was indeed pregnant to which Jared replied that "we want an abortion."

The lady looked at me with questioning eyes but Jared spoke again, "She's just really upset. She doesn't want a baby right now, do you honey?" he asked gripping my hand painfully tight. I just shook my head, no.

The nurse explained to us that after the procedure I needed to wait to have sex, my body would be experiencing so many different hormones, I needed to rest.

Jared had other ideas when we got home. I felt so sore and exposed. "Let's celebrate," he said kissing my neck.

"Jared, the nurse said we can't." I was so thankful that I had a legitimate excuse to fight sex with him. Although I shouldn't have to make an excuse, I should be allowed to say No.

"You're right baby, here, take these sleeping pills so you can rest," he said handing me four pills.

"Is this the right dosage?"

"I wouldn't ever try to hurt you," he said almost making me snort with laughter.

Too late for that.

I took the pills and went lay down, honestly sleep was my favourite thing because it meant I didn't have to hear Jared's harsh words.

Sometimes I just want to sleep all the time.