Golden Hour

29

He hasn't woken up in three days. I haven't left his side in three days. Anne was on the first flight here. Gemma was flying in today. I felt numb. I felt so incredibly numb. Nothing made sense. Every time I looked at Harry I was filled with guilt.

I didn't cry anymore, but I think that's because I literally didn't have anymore tears left to cry. I didn't even want to think about how I looked, I didn't bother to look in a mirror.

The cops did catch Jared though, actually he turned himself in. Apparently the judge was ruling out the psych ward option and he would be going to a maximum level security prison. He willingly admitted that he wanted Harry to die, he wanted me to suffer by Harry dying.

I wanted to feel relief but the last time I felt relief my lawyer told me Jared escaped so I was holding my breath until they called me to tell me he was in his cell.

The One Direction boys had came by and I felt bad that I had to meet them looking how I did, I felt bad for them because I know I wasn't a pretty sight. Poor Niall, even the first time he saw me I was a mess. But I was thankful that he wanted to stay and keep me company. He got us a coffee from downstairs and sat with me on the small couch in Harry's room. Anne went to the cafeteria to get food. She hasn't slept since she got here and I know she is exhausted.

Niall was good company, he distracted me and almost made laugh. He shared some of his favorite stories with Harry. It made me sad in a way that he reflected on the memories as if Harry was dead. He wasn't. Then he talked to me about his new album, music was a common ground that we both could talk easily about. It felt nice that after Niall left and gave me his phone number it felt like we were friends, he reassured me to call him at any time if I needed someone to go by the house or water the plants or to talk or sit with Harry. I was appreciative of him.

When Gemma arrived she was mad at me. Not because of Harry, but because of how I looked. Being told I look like shit is never nice but when Gemma said it I couldn't help but cry. Not because of what she said but because the last few days came crashing in again and I watched my boyfriends body lay motionless while he was hooked up to machines.

"Go home, eat an actual meal, shower and sleep. Both of you," Gemmas voice was stern as she looked between Anne and I. "Harry would be fucking pissed if he saw how you are neglecting yourselves. I will sit with him and if he wakes up I will call you, now leave." She didn't give us an option as she ushered us out the door and Anne and I made our way back to Harry and I's home.

We didn't talk much, we didn't need to. It was a comfortable silence and small talk was the last thing on our minds. I didn't realize how much I wanted a shower and an actual bed until 8 pm that night when I laid down. I couldn't even try to stay awake, I passed out from exhaustion.

I got a text from Gemma that read:

I want you to feel beautiful today, you have made yourself sick with worry. Wear a hot pair of panties, curl your hair, put on makeup. Feel confident about yourself, Harry would want you to continue doing your normal things.

Gemma xx

It wasn't a strange text, it sounded exactly like something Gemma would say and she is right, Harry would want me to keep myself healthy. So I chose a pair of ripped skinny jeans, one of his Hawaiian shirts and a white bralette underneath. My hair was in loose waves naturally and I applied a small amount of makeup. I already felt more like myself.

Anne and I stopped to get coffee and breakfast for ourselves and Gemma. I felt better, 8 hours of sleep can do that to you, but I still felt this gnawing at me that Harry was in the hospital, I felt so guilty. Arriving at Grace hospital felt almost familiar with how much I had gotten to know the place over the past three days.

When we walked into Harry's room I stopped in the door war. He was sat up, awake, talking and laughing with Gemma. Anne ran over to him practically forcing Gemma to have her coffee as she hugged Harry. It was a sweet moment to watch Anne's features relax with relief as she saw Harry was doing much better. Even his face had more color in it than before.

"We'll give you two a minute," Gemma said to Harry before looking at me. They said they were going to the waiting room to eat their breakfast. I just stayed where I was and stared at him.

I felt so many emotions all over. I was relieved and so sad that this was happening at the same time. He stuck his hand out signaling me to come over to him. I felt like I couldn't move.

"Cash," his words so soft and as soon as I heard them I ran over to him hugging him tightly to which he winced but hugged me with the same force.

"I was so scared," I knew I was crying but I didn't care. He was awake. I missed his voice so much, I missed his eyes, his laugh.

"I love you." I kissed him hard, I needed him to feel all the thoughts I couldn't put into words. "You always look better in my clothes," he teased tugging at his shirt on my body.

"When did you wake up?" I had so many questions but I didn't want to overload him.

"Around 9 last night, Gemma told me she was going to call you but I know you and my mum. I threatened to disown her if she made you guys come back. I know you both have probably gotten no sleep which I will lecture you on later," he pointed an accusing finger at me with a small smile. "But for now, just lay with me."

"Are you? I don't want to-"

"Cash, I've been unconscious for three days, I just want you near me." I nodded at his words as he moved over slightly.

"Does it hurt?"

"Not anymore."

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:((( im crying my poor harry