Santana Lopez Quotes (GLEE)

Choke

Santana is standing in the hallway with Brittany, Mercedes, Tina, and Sugar. Coach Beiste walks by with a black eye.

Santana: Aw, hell. Looks like Mr. Beiste went all Chris Brown on Mrs. Beiste. What happened, Coach, Cooter put the smack-down on you 'cause you wouldn't let him be on top?

The girls laugh.

Roz: What did you just say?

Santana: Nothing. It was a joke.

Roz: So, men hitting women is funny to you?

Santana: Oh, please. We obviously don't think Beiste was hit by anybody. I mean, look at her, she's a wall.

Roz: Let me tell you something. I'm Coach Roz Washington. I'm an Olympic Champion, and I do not suffer fools! Especially fools who think domestic violence is funny. I want your names. Shannon!

Coach Beiste turns around.

Roz: Write these names down as placeholders. Hatrack. Asian Horror Movie. Lil' Oprah. Rojo Caliente. Salsa Caliente. You're on my list now, girls. You just watch what happens next.

Roz walks off.

****

Santana, Brittany, Mercedes, Tina, and Sugar are in the choir room. Sue, Coach Beiste, and Roz are standing in front of them.

Sue: Now, I realize this room is America's number one destination for cheap, sappy moralizing, but your insensitive behavior is about to subject you to a whole new level of preachiness.

Santana: Is this about the comment that I made in the hallway earlier?

Roz: You bet your perfectly round ass it is.

Sugar: Coach Sylvester, I hardly think you're one to preach on what we can and cannot joke about.

Santana: Yeah. You make fun of us all the time.

Sue: Sandbags, I admit I can be a bit abrasive. And yes, I've fantasized about slapping each and every one of you square across the face with a sturdy, wet fish. But that doesn't mean you deserve it. No one deserves to get hit.

****

Santana, Brittany, Mercedes, Tina, and Sugar just got finished performing "Cell Block Tango" in the auditorium for Coach Beiste, Sue, and Roz. During the performance, Coach Beiste leaves. At the end, Santana and Tina high five.

Santana: What happened to Beiste? Uh, did we do something wrong?

Sue: Well, you completely butchered one of my all-time favorite Kander and Ebb tunes, while completely missing the point of absolutely everything.

****

Coach Beiste is in the choir room telling Santana, Brittany, Mercedes, Tina, and Sugar about Cooter hitting her.

Beiste: And I heard you girls say that you thought your boyfriends would never do anything to you like that. And a week ago, I would've said exactly the same thing. And I was wrong.

Santana: But Cooter always seemed like such a nice guy.

Mercedes: Yeah, I always just thought he was a big, smiley doofus.

Beiste: He is. Most of the time.

****

Coach Beiste walks into the choir room. Santana, Brittany, Mercedes, Tina, and Sugar are in there.

Beiste: You girls wanted to see me?

Tina: We wanted the chance to say that we're sorry, and we had no idea.

Mercedes: No idea that this was really happening to someone that we care so much about.

Santana: How we're really proud of you for sticking up for yourself and getting out. And we owe you a song.