Santana Lopez Quotes (GLEE)

Previously Unaired Christmas

Santana and Kurt are in the loft. Kurt is opening up a present.

Kurt: Ooh, what is it? What is it?

He opens it and it's a mannequin head. He gasps.

Kurt: Oh, my gosh! It's My Pretty Princess Deluxe-All-Jazzed-Up Styling Head! Aw, Santana, I love it! Thank you so much. Oh, I had one of these when I was ten. And I was obsessed with her. I gave this lady smoky eyes every day.

Santana: Well, Merry Christmas, Lady Hummel. Now you can relive all your Jeffrey Dahmer fantasies in the privacy of your own home. But that's not it because additionally I am giving you an all-expense-paid trip to Dildo Island.

She hands him an envelope with a bow on it.

Santana: It's a real place, it's in Canada. I got you the deluxe bachelor package.

Kurt: I think this calls for another glass of my world-famous eggnog. Huh?

Santana: Yes.

She claps and he grabs both of their glasses and gets up.

Kurt: I'm using Giada's recipe, but you tell me if it's too much all-spice.

Santana: You know what I will tell you is that I think that you've actually become more of a Grandma Moses since moving to New York. I mean, you just had a traumatic break-up with Princess Valiant, and you're single, you should be living it up.

Kurt: Oh, like you? Breezing through here unannounced, with a sleigh full of Christmas decorations and presents a la Auntie Mame?

He sits down with two glasses of eggnog and hands one to her.

Kurt: By the way, all of these aren't for us, are they?

Santana: Oh, no, no, no, I mean, you got your decapitated head. And one of these is for Berry. A gallon jug of Proactive solution and a booklet of JetBlue vouchers. The rest are for me. After what happened with Brittany, I prescribed myself a little retail therapy.

Kurt: Mm-hmm.

Santana: Couldn't be in Lima right now, you know? Not with her there, it's too soon. But now I have to book myself a hotel.

Kurt: In New York City during the holidays? Are you crazy? Do you know how expensive that will be?

Santana: Calm down, Joyce DeWitt. Okay? It's gonna be fine. Don't you remember that money that my mom gave me for graduation?

Kurt: Your college fund?

Santana: Mm-hmm.

Kurt: Please tell me you didn't spend it all on post-breakup gifts for yourself.

Santana: No, no, just half.

Rachel enters the loft.

Rachel: Kurt?

Rachel sees Santana.

Rachel: Oh, my God, Santana! What are you doing here?

Kurt: We had our first holiday house guest.

Santana: Feliz Navidad! I decided that I wanted to do something a little different for the holidays this year.

Rachel: In that case, you're in luck. Because I just got Kurt and I the greatest gig, and you can get in on it too, if you want! We are gonna be Christmas elves in Santa Land at the MIdtown Mall! I know what you're thinking, but I've done my research. And this is where all of the Broadway luminaries bring their children, so we'll have tons of exposure. It's gonna be great, please say you're in! Are you in? Come on, we'll all do it together.