Yours, A.

...AND exams!

Not edited!
25th of January, 2018.

Dear D,
Again, I totally neglected you. However, this time, I have a VALID reason. I have more than one, actually! My exams are starting on the 5th of February, and only one lecturer has ended her classes. Can you imagine? I'm even writing tests, and assignments! What this means, basically, is that after my classes, I spend almost the remaining of the whole day doing assignments, or studying for tests, AND exams!

Oh, and that's not all. I had a fight with Muhammad, and it makes absolutely no sense. I only asked him why he kept on asking me about Attiyah all the while, and why he didn't just go ahead and start talking to her, and he freaked out. Annoying! I asked him if there was something I needed to know, and I might have gone too far by saying that he didn't realise that Ruqayyah was right in front of him and he was playing around.

What?
Don't blame me. Why is he being so slow? Even if he doesn't want to take action, can't he just express his feelings? Especially to me! I won't tell anyone, I'd just be there for him. If he likes Attiyah, he should talk, and if it's Ruqayyah (I know he has made it clear but a cousin can hope), he should talk.

And guess what our darling Muhammad said?! He said I shouldn't accuse him of something which I was doing the same. I was so confused until he actually mentioned Adeel's name. I got MAD! I got so mad, and I just told him I couldn't believe him, and walked away. Obviously, I cried when I got to my room, and now that I think about it, what was all the fuss about? Smh. I'm so illogical and emotional at times, it's only rational that he said that as that's exactly what was happening! But the reason why I didn't tell him is that I'm scared he'd judge me. I know, don't give me that pep talk. I know.

We haven't spoken since then, anyways. I don't pick his calls or reply his messages, but now I'm better and I think writing has helped me to express myself and see things in a new way. Alhamdulilah, I'm quick to apologise, I'd call him immediately after writing this, in Sha Allah.
Problem number 2, solved.

Now my third and last problem, oh you guessed wrong, it's definitely not Adeel, my worries about him are on hold until my exams. God forbid will a man be the reason I fail my exams or score less than I should. My last problem has to do with my sister. She's been VERY sick. I'm so scared, really. She's supposed to have passed her first trimester, and the morning sickness was supposed to stop, but it's the opposite.

She can't keep anything in her stomach, she's always weak, she can barely pray, and she is just, not in a good shape. It really worries me, a lot. My step mum goes to her house like 4 times a week, and my dad makes sure to visit her at least, once. Her mother in law moved in to their house yesterday to take care of her properly as she doesn't really have much doing, and I've been trying to keep up through video calls and short visits here and there.

I'm really worried. I never say this out loud but I'm scared that what happened to my mum might
...no...no...I'm just really scared and I want her to be fine.

I keep on praying for her though, and I'm sure that God answers all prayers.

That's basically why I haven't been writing to you. I can't promise I'd do better for now, but I'd do what I can.

Yours,
A.