Excerpts From Books that I'll Never Write

excerpt 114

     Remember when you would always catch me looking at you because I was still hung up on you?? Remember when you hit me up with some stupid question you didn't care about the answer for just so you had an excuse to talk to me?? My heart literally stopped in my throat when I saw that notification.. We talked after that and I loved it... Remember when my petty self had walked down the hallway flirting with one of my guy friends every time I knew I'd see you just to make you jealous, which really just made you hesitate to message me because you thought me and him were together. Remember when I sent you pick up lines every day for approximately 22 days until you dated me?? and I don't mean boring texts, I mean very extra snapchats with gifs and stickers and filters and all of the works.
     I can remember the day you asked me out too. FaceTime call, because we were all quarantined because of corona. Me, struggling to do math, and you going "date me" and me saying "seriously" because I'd be trying for that for a month. I had made a joke saying "13 is an unlucky number, and the 12 is my grandpa and your dad's birthday so you have to ask me out on the 14th. It's a perfect day" and you said "were you serious about the 13 thing?" And I knew you were going to ask me out so I said no even though my OCD self would have much rather preferred any number but 13.
     Your sister freaked out, thought we were adorable. "Wow, he actually can be sweet sometimes, that's so cute" is an exact quote.
     I remember the late night FaceTime calls with you. Staying up late all the time, falling asleep on the phone. and then you just hadddd to get a job, going to bed early because you had to wake up early. Props to you for getting a job, but I miss our calls we used to have every single night.
     I love the waking up early and calling at 4am just to fall in and out of sleep for the next five hours listening to you on the phone, sleeping or mumbling or just breathing because I love everything about you.
     I hate your stupid spray bottle that you grabbed at your brother's birthday party and soaked me with.
    But I love love love your mother, your super sweet, smart mother who offered to help me with math and always gets after you for making too many short jokes.
      And you definitely cannot forget the thumb wrestling while kissing, that is definitely one for the books. You truly are my best friend and boyfriend. While you have the ability to absolutely piss me off, I also love you very much.
      No words I ever conjure up will ever top what I wrote in 104, about how much I loved you and couldn't have you and missed you. But the way I feel now tops that, because it's not sad and nostalgic memories, wishing things could go back. It is happy and light and ready for our future.
      Thank you for being the boy who pushed his way into my life and never quite shoved himself out of it, at least not yet.