Learning to Love | ✓

Chapter 12

[ZEUS]

I was walking around the kitchen in my sweatpants — a bowl and wooden spoon in hand. I continued to stir the chocolate for pudding. I loved pudding. Honestly, I loved anything with milk in it. I smiled to myself. Julian had remembered that. Bringing yogurt and all to our outing — date? Could I say that? Had it been that?

I sighed, stirring the chocolate in the bowl faster. What exactly has been up with me these few days? I've just been eating chocolate, taking yogurt and napping on the living room couch a lot. It was obvious Spots was worried by the way he came at random moments to lick my toes or hug my legs.

I guess I can say I've been thinking over things, over the feelings I have for Julian. I really don't want them to skyrocket. I don't want myself to get hurt again, left again. I sighed removing the spoon from the ready pudding mix. Walking over to the counter I set the spoon aside remembering Spots might try to sniff it out and lick the chocolate off it. The dog didn't know what was good for him.

Deciding pudding mix was way delicious than the actual thing, I took a new spoon and walked out of the kitchen. I'm probably acting a bit like a depressed child. I haven't been to work for a while. I haven't called Louis. I haven't called even Lambert. I practically ignored all his calls last night, and Louis... Louis wouldn't call me first even if it was the end of the world. His hot like that. I smiled, settling down into the leather couch that I'm still wondering how I slept comfortably on. It's so... I don't know, leathery?

I took a couple of pudding filled spoons and soon found myself thinking of Julian. I frowned. Why am I always thinking of Julian? Why do I always feel a spark of jealousy when I think of his wife? I hugged my legs letting the almost empty bowl roll down onto the carpet. There was going to be a hell of a stain there but it's not as if I'm the one going to clean it myself. That was the point of having a cleaner come in every once in a while.

I'm scared, God I'm really scared. I thought, shutting my eyes. I don't want to fall in love again. Why do I always end up in this crazy condition? Besides him being married should be some sort of red card to my heart right? I'm I suddenly feeling this way because we kissed. I should call this thing off but... I can't. I don't want to.

I soon found the strength to get up, to go and reply to the ton of text messages from Lambert and send one to Louis as an apology. I gimmicked as I felt bile run up my gullet. I'm not feeling so well I might as well not just go for the match tomorrow.

Julian's going to be there. I thought and felt a bit sick to my stomach. I don't want to be in love again. I can't be in love again. Damn my easily impressed heart.

My iPhone buzzed in my sweatpants' pocket as I received a new message. I could fee those stupid butterflies flutter about my tummy when I saw it was from Julian.

I miss you, please call me.

It said. I grinned. God, I can almost imagine how red his face was when he wrote this.

I miss you too. There are just some things on my mind.

I quickly typed and sent.

I want to see you after the match tomorrow.

Julian sent.

If you don't mind.

He sent almost immediately after.

Your wife.

I sent, sighing.

She's gone on some business trip; she won't be back until Monday.

He sent. I raised my brow at the text. Was he trying to hint at something?

Do you want to kiss me?