Leaves

Chapter Seven: Fall

CHAPTER SEVEN

I admit that I've been self-centered. Sa kagustuhan kong sumaya sila, nagdulot tuloy ako ng kapahamakan.

Mag-aalas dos na ng gabi at parepareho kaming hindi makatulog sa cabin, kakaalis lang kasi nung nurse na nagcheck up sa paa ni Francine. Pinainom siya ng pain reliever at inadvice-an din siya na as much as possible 'wag muna siyang palakad-lakad.

"Sorry talaga, Francine." I sincerely said for the nth time, I couldn't stop my voice from cracking.

I know that saying sorry wouldn't fix her injury nor it will lift the guilt off myself. Pero sa tuwing nakikita ko siya, parang gusto kong maiyak.

"Ate, hindi mo nga sabi kasalanan 'yon. Aksidente 'yung nangyari."

"Pero dahil sa sprain mo hindi ka makakapagperform." Even saying it out loud, horrifies me.

"Sus isang maliit na performance lang naman 'yung mawawala eh, marami pa sa susunod."

What hurts me the most was that she still manages to smile back at me after everything.

"Kaya maymay 'wag mong sisihin 'yung sarili mo. Kasalanan 'yun nung bato kasi hindi umilag kay Chin." Pabirong dagdag ni Sharlene.

Their comforting words are really melting my heart. Sobrang bibihira lang akong makarinig ng mga ganong salita. I'm not used to people being genuinely kind to me when I am being this horrible.

Naisip ko pa na baka they're just being nice pero galit talaga sila sa akin. I would believe because that was what I'm used to. In the showbiz industry, my so-called friends are like that.

Sobrang bait kapag kaharap ka pero kapag talikod mo kung anu-ano na 'yung mga salitang sinasabi sa'yo. Kung hindi naman, gagamitin ka lang nila para sa kasikatan.

Sure, they have pretty faces but their inside were rotten. They are barbies made up of plastics. But the worse thing was I used to treasure them a lot. Sobra akong nagtiwala kaya sobra din akong nasaktan.

After that, I built my walls too high na mas gugustuhin ko na lang mag-isa kesa makipagplastikan sa iba. In fact, I developed trust issues. Kapag may namimeet akong bago kahit gaano pa kabait tignan, nahihirapan na akong magtiwala.

But then I realized, wala ako sa showbiz industry ngayon. Nasa Hillcrest ako at hindi mga artista ang kasama ko. They are way different. So, I finally force myself to stop thinking negative.

Before I get too emotional nagpaalam ako sa kanila na iinom muna ako ng tubig. Malapit na ako sa ref nung marinig kong nag-uusap sila Donny at Edward.

"Bro si Blythe, pwede siyang magsubsitute."

"I know, pero naka-usap ko 'yung mga dancers kanina at isang buong kanta pa 'yung walang choreography."

What? Isang buong kanta pa tapos bukas na 'yung performance day? Hindi kakayaning magawa at matutunan ng ibang campers 'yon sa isang araw lang.

"Paano yan, hindi talaga pwedeng pasayawin pa natin si Francine baka lumala pa 'yung lagay niya."

"Ano, hahayaan na lang natin masira 'yung first performance naten?" Frustrated na tanong ni Edward.

Pareho silang natahimik ng sandali. Pati ako, nag-aalala na din.

"Bukas na lang natin pag-usapan ulit, matulog na muna tayo." Tinapik ni Donny 'yung balikat ni Ed bago sila sabay na umalis.

I bit my lower lip. I'm having this terrible idea running in my head. I really wanted to own up to my mistake and this is the only thing that I could ever think of.