Wish

Chapter 9

At school on Monday I felt like people were looking at me and talking about me behind my back. I really wish people would get over the break up with Charlie already, it happened weeks ago. I was walking to my second period class when I realised the break up isn't what people were talking about. "Ugh, look at the little slut." "I know, did you see her at the party?" "What a whore." Three girls were looking at me when they said those things. When they saw me notice them, they gave me one of those creepy fake smiles the mean girls make in the movies and went back to talking about me as if I wasn't even there. Ouch.

At lunch I insisted we sit outside again. The weather was getting quite cold now so we had to wrap up and huddle together to keep warm. I felt bad for making my friends sit out here with me but I couldn't bare to sit in the cafeteria today.

"Those idiots need to get a life. You're not a slut just ignore them. The boys are just jealous that you weren't dancing with them and the girls are just jealous that they aren't as hot as you. It'll be forgotten about in a week, tops." said Phoebe as she picked away at her sandwich.

"I'm not ashamed or embarrassed, we had sex, it was consensual and legal so what's there to judge." said Justin, clearly not understanding the situation because of his maleness.

"That's because you're a guy and you're seen as a 'lad' for having sex. For us girls its much different, society deems us to be sexual objects not sexual beings and our sexuality is judged if we act on it." said Emma "A guy gets laid and he's a player, he's cool. A girl get's laid and she's a slut, she's easy." She had a point. I'm the one getting the hate, not Justin. It's not his fault, it's just the way society is. At least I knew my friends didn't judge me for it and at the end of the day that's what matters.

"Is that why random lads have been coming up to me and high fiving me all day?" Justin asked. I looked at him incredulously, I couldn't believe it. "Kidding. Too soon?" I rolled my eyes and elbowed him in the ribs. Dick.

Phoebe and I were walking to our next class after lunch when some boy shouted "Slut" down the corridor at me. "Eat a dick!" Phoebe shouted back. "Why would I when she already has!" the boy shouted back. That wasn't even a good comeback, it didn't make sense yet it caused the population of the hallway to look at me and laugh. Kill me now. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole just to make this stop. I walked away as fast as I could just trying to get to my next lesson when I bumped into someone going around the corner. It was another boy from the popular crowd "Woah there, I'm not that easy!" he said laughing. My eyes filled with tears, I needed to get out of there.

"Where are you going?" Phoebe asked when I stormed off, away from our classroom.

"Tell Mr Smith I'm going to be late." I said and made my way to the toilets which, thankfully, were empty. I grabbed some tissue from one of the stalls and looked at myself in the mirror, trying to wipe the tears away before they fell and ruined my makeup. I didn't think I looked like a slut. I was wearing jeans and an oversized graphic tee tucked in at the front. Even I know this outfit doesn't scream 'Fuck me I'm easy'. School can really suck sometimes.

Back at home it was just me. Mum had to start working full time to support us so she came home later than she used to. I was just glad she was back at work and feeling a little bit better. Mum still wasn't herself; she cried a lot and she looked paler than usual but it was getting easier for her to get out of bed. I think keeping busy with work is good for her. I hadn't talked to Dad since he left. I wasn't ready to forgive him yet. Besides, he deserved to sit and stew for a bit.

I didn't really feel like doing my homework but I thought it would be a good distraction to forget about the day so I sat down at my desk and started on one of the essays I had due this week. A levels is basically just essay after essay, at lease for my chosen subjects, I swear I'm going to get repetitive strain injury before the year is out.