Wish

Chapter 10

So, this is later than usual because I sort of spent the majority of the day playing The Sims...whoops. Better later than never I suppose! Enjoy!

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A few weeks later, the bullying had gotten worse. Working up the courage to go to school every day was getting harder and harder. I couldn't find the motivation to get out of bed, I woke up every day with a deep sense of dread for the day to come. I was never wrong. Every day was relentless harassment and bitching. It didn't end when I got home either, with the internet and social media the hate followed me everywhere I went. I received notification after notification of people tagging me in posts mocking me, messages from people I'd never even spoken to telling me I'm a slut and I got even worse from the people I had spoken. The people I used to call friends had turned on me, and I didn't even do anything wrong. I knew I had Phoebe, Oliver, Emma and Justin but I felt so alone. They didn't understand how badly the abuse was affecting me. They don't know what it's like to have your reputation and character torn to shreds over something so stupid. It wasn't even just the slut shaming now, I was being told how ugly I was and how I'm disgusting and stupid and people wondering why anyone would want to go near me. It wasn't the content of the hate that was getting to me, I know a lot of people get it far worse than me; it was the quantity of it. It seemed like everyone I'd ever met, and in some cases hadn't met, hated me and thought I was ugly and worthless. What had I done to deserve this? I dated the most popular guy in school, got cheated on (and where is her slut shaming? Nowhere), and then slowly people started to hate me. I don't regret having sex with Justin, because I know that's not what caused this. It started before then, it's just gotten worse since. I know he feels really bad about it though, like it's his fault.

Justin and I are still good friends and not really anything more right now. We'd shared a few fun times but since the whole school has been calling me ugly and disgusting my confidence had been severely diminished. I didn't really want to get naked around anyone, I didn't even like looking at myself in the mirror. It made me feel sick.

It had been a few weeks since Justin took me away from school to his family's shop. The weather was a lot colder now it was November so we couldn't sit outside away from the cafeteria anymore. I hated being around everyone, I felt like they were all staring and whispering. Phoebe tells me to just ignore it and 'keep being a boss ass bitch' but it's easier said than done. She doesn't understand how hard it is.

I finally managed to drag myself out of bed. My duty's of making sure Phoebe gets to school on time had been passed on to Oliver for the time being. I had about ten minutes to get ready before I'd be late; I had no time for breakfast. Not that it matters, I feel so sick going to school I couldn't eat anyway. I quickly brushed my teeth and washed my face; I couldn't be bothered with makeup anymore, it felt like too much effort. I got dressed in some jeans and a plain baggy t-shirt that was way too old to be even considered 'casual' and instead should only be worn when decorating. I put the relevant notebooks for today's subjects in my bag and headed out the door.

When I got downstairs Mum was waiting in the kitchen with some toast for me. "You need to eat something before you go to school, Honey." She said holding the plate out to me. The smell made me feel even more sick.

"I'm fine, I don't feel up to it." I said quietly.

"Are you ill? You haven't been acting yourself lately Amber."

"I'm fine, just stressed probably. I have to apply for universities and I have mock exams coming up. It's just a lot you know." I lied. Well, its not a full lie, A Levels are stressful as hell and not wanting to be at school is just making life a whole lot harder. "I have to go, I'll be late." I said kissing Mum on the cheek before leaving the house.