Wish

Chapter 17

A few days after the hallway incident at school I was on my way to Justin's house after sixth period to learn how to dance. I hate late finishes at school, the day dragged on enough without an extra hour added on to it. Justin was lucky, he had an early finish. He said he'd wait for me but I insisted he go home and that I'd meet him there.

Walking up the street towards his house I wondered how the lesson would go. What if I'm terrible? What kind of dance is he going to teach? What if I stomp on him? Or worse, what if I fall on my butt in front of him like an idiot? I was starting to wish I hadn't said yes to him. I was at his doorbell seriously considering turning around and walking home, but then I remembered why I was doing this. I needed to regain my confidence and start feeling good about myself again. With new found resolve, I took a deep breath and rang the doorbell.

Justin answered the door in grey sweatpants and a fitted white t-shirt. "Hey, I was beginning to think you were going to bail on me." He said, stepping aside to let me in the door.

"You know me too well." I said taking off my jacket. "I'm going to go change real quick. I know you can dance in skinny jeans but I doubt that I can." I said heading towards the stairs to his bedroom.

I had brought some plain black leggings, a sports bra and loose white top as I figured it would be the most appropriate attire. When I was ready, I met Justin back downstairs in the kitchen where he led me through to the garage. His parents had renovated it so he had his own practice studio at home.

"Wow, this is cool." I said looking around. One of the walls was fully lined with mirrors and there were big light fixtures on the ceiling making the room flood with bright warm white light. There was a stereo in the corner hooked up to two speakers, one on either side of the room. The room was a bit chilly but there was a little heater in the corner that Justin approached and turned on.

"I've known I want to be a dancer for a long time so my parents very kindly made sure I always have a place I can practice. They know I want to do my best. Sometimes, when I can't sleep, or I'm stressed or feel like there's too much going on in my head and I feel like my head is going to explode, I come down here and I just let everything out. It's kind of like my therapy. I spend a lot of time in here." He said, looking around the room. It was the first time I'd seen him look kinda of shy, almost vulnerable. Justin always came across as super confident and outgoing, but I supposed everyone had their own shit going on in their heads.

"What goes on in your head? When you feel like it's going to explode." I asked him, sitting cross legged on the cool floor. I was interested in getting to know this side of Justin, the stripped back version of him without the confidence and the muscles and the positive attitude.

Justin sat down on the floor facing me, also crossing his legs, our knees almost touching. "A lot of things. Normal stuff like not being able to remember whatever I learnt that day at school and being overwhelmed at how much I do need to remember and study. And then there's other stuff. Worry that I'm not good enough or talented enough or attractive enough to 'make it'. Worry that I'm not good at anything else in case I can't make dancing a career. Worry that I'm wasting my time. Sometimes, I want to give up and not even try because then maybe it'd be easier to say that the reason I'm not making my dreams come true is because I decided to do something else rather than not being good enough. I don't want to let anyone down. I don't want to disappoint anyone." He said looking down, fiddling with the material of his sweatpants.

"I'm not saying this as your friend or because I'm sleeping with you. I'm saying this as someone who has seen what you can do." I said. Justin looked up at me then, the vulnerability in his eyes making my heart squeeze. "You are extremely talented. You're so dedicated that I'm almost jealous, I wish I could be as passionate about something as you are about dancing. Hell, I wish I could be that talented at something. It would be a waste to not use that talent and be, I don't know, and accountant or something. Yes, it might be a hard road ahead but if you don't try, you'll regret it for the rest of your life." I said earnestly. His gaze stayed fixed on mine, the eye contact feeling intense yet not at all unpleasant or uncomfortable. I was glad Justin felt that he could open up to me but in that moment, I had no idea what he was thinking.