A Way To Your World

Chapter 20

AWTYW - Blame

After we rushed Grandma to the hospital and after being more than an hour inside the emergency room, I never knew a single shake of the doctor's head could tremble my whole life. Tito Enzo was silent but I saw tears falling from his eyes while Tita Zoey is comforting him, Mom was crying nonstop and saying all these stuff to Grandma that I didn't get because I was too occupied, Dad tried to stop her but she was already grieving. And for Grandpa, it crushed my heart to see him sitting there looking lifeless because of what happened to Grandma.

I wanted to barge inside the emergency room and demand to save my grandmother's life. But I know that no matter how I tried to plead to them, I know that it wouldn't make her come back. And it was all because of me...

Nakita ko naman na dinala muna ni Rantz si Ada sa tabi nila Tito Enzo bago niya ako nilapitan at niyakap ng mahigpit.

"R-Rantz, I-I'm so sorry... it's all my fault, it's all my–"

Niyakap ako ng mahigpit ni Rantz, stopping me to continue what I'm saying. "Shh.. it's no one's fault."

I feel like I lost all my energy from crying, from all what happened. I felt so weak after everything that I think it causes me for losing my conciousness.

I took every blame to what happened to Grandma. It was all mine. If only I just explained to Grandma about what Mom and I were talking about, that Mom and I weren't just understanding the whole thing—or maybe I couldn't understand what Mom is telling me. Kung sana pinakinggan ko nang maayos si Mom at hindi na lamang pinilit ang akin, baka hindi umabot sa punto na kailangan pang madamay ni Grandma.

I feel like I killed my own Grandmother just because of my own feelings for him.

After what happened, Grandpa decided to held Grandma's funeral wake here in Pamma, in the mansion specifically. Many people from here all went just to see my grandmother, maging na rin ang mga taong taga bayan pa. Marami rin ang mga nalungkot at hindi makapaniwalang pumanaw kaagad si Grandma. Some of my family's friends and our relatives asked what happened to Grandma, but the only answer that my mother could give them was just she suddenly had a heart attack.

I don't know if I could remain quiet, because I know that the caused for her to leave us was me.

"Rence, you should eat. You haven't even had a single proper meal for the last two days," nag-aalalang sinabi ni Rantz.

I gave him a force smile. "I still eat, Rantz. Even just a little. We should be more worried about Ada, she haven't even left Grandma's side ever since we got here."

Napatingin naman ako sa pwesto ni Ada kung saan nakaupo pa rin siya sa harap malapit sa tabi ng kabaong ni Grandma. Lumipat muna kasi ako para masalubong ang ibang bisitang gusto makita si Grandma. I sighed. I am even more worried for her than myself. She was very affected to what happened to Grandma. Sa aming tatlong apo nila Grandpa, si Ada ang pinakamaloko at pinakanalalapit sa kanila. Though, we are all equally loved and treated fairly by our grandparents, is just that... maka-lolo at lola si Ada.

"Binabantayan lamang niya si Grandma, but she still takes care of herself. Hindi tulad ng ginagawa mo, Rence. Pinapabayaan mo na." I heard him sighed that made me looked at him.

My twin brother was also looking tired. His hair was a bit messy and his eyes were a bit red, probably from crying. Siya rin ang mga nag-aasikaso sa ibang mga bisita at kamag-anak namin na kahit hindi naman niya ito kailangan gawin, but he still does it para hindi na kami maabala nila Ada. He was keeping up with everything here. But despite of that, he still never forgets to take care of me.