Beyond The Screen (J.JK x M.SN)

Trial & Error

(SN POV)

I'm not going to lie. We had no idea what we were doing.

I barely even registered what had happened a few days ago. It just happened so fast! And now I have a boyfriend? How does that even work?

Technically, we're dating now, but not much has changed.

But there's one thing I learned in just a few short days.

Jungkook is very territorial.

His stuff is his. He wanted to keep our relationship just between us, and he made that fairly clear. He didn't want anyone else to know we were dating just yet. I totally understand why. If this goes out, it would blow up everywhere and just make things harder for everyone.

I haven't seen him in person since that day we went to Myeong-dong. I was really happy after that trip, but it all kind of just hit me all at once.

I remember how this all started.

I was just Yua and he was just Justin. We were strangers behind the screen.

I thought about what it might have been like if we never met up in real life. If we just stayed as Yua and Justin.

But that's no fun, is it?

After a few days, he got really quiet. Something was clearly bothering him, but I couldn't figure out what it was.

We were video chatting one night when he seemed a bit out of it. He kept zoning out and looking away from the screen.

"Hey, kookie-ah," I say when he's clearly not paying attention.

"Hm?" He goes.

"What's wrong? You seem sad."

He clears his throat, "It's nothing...a-and I'm not sad."

"Are you sure?" I ask.

I knew something wasn't right.

"I'm fine."

I continue to talk to him like nothing happened, but I just felt like I was talking to myself.

"It's getting kind of late. I think I should get to bed soon." I say.

"Okay."

"Good night, I love you." I wave at the camera.

"Night." He says one word and hangs up.

Honestly, I was kind of hurt.

I didn't notice it until now, but he never says "I love you" back.

I don't understand.

He was the one who confessed his feelings for me, right? I'm not just imagining things?

Isn't this what he wanted?

(JK POV)

I think I made a mistake.

And I don't know how to fix it.

I'm not ready to be in a relationship. Why didn't I think about this before?

I didn't realize how hard it's going to be. I'm scared. I'm content with my life right now, and I'm scared that it's going to change.

But I don't want to hurt her. What am I supposed to do?

I messed up. I messed up real bad.

I'm so sorry, Sana.

I'm scared. I'm scared to call myself your boyfriend. I don't think I can do this just yet.

It's not her fault. I need to establish that. She did nothing wrong.

It's my fault I fell for her.

I need to do something before this gets out of hand.

Maybe I should just tell her the truth. She'll understand, right?

Gosh, I just hope she doesn't take it personally. I still have feelings for her, and I want her to be happy, but I don't think I can do my job as her boyfriend just yet. If I'm going to be her boyfriend, I want to be the best I can be.

I just can't do that right now. Not with everything going on.

Both of our groups are growing in popularity everyday. There's always someone watching us.

What was I thinking?

I can't even take care of myself right now. My mind is not in the right place and my emotions are out of control.

I have to be able to find love in myself before I can find love in someone else.

I'm sorry, Sana.

Jungkook: hey

Jungkook: can we talk?

Sana: yeah of course :)

Sana: about what?

Jungkook: hold on, I'll call you

I called her and my heart was not at ease.

"Hello?" She answered right away.

"Hey."

"What's up?" She seemed eager.

I took a deep breath.

"I just needed to tell you something." There was a lump in my throat.

"Okay. What is it?"

I apologize right off the bat.

"Look. I love you, I really do," I start, "but I don't think I can do this right now."

"Do...'this'?" She was confused.

"I'm sorry, it's not your fault. I wasn't ready and-"

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying..." I sigh, "I don't think we should do this."

Silence.

I spoke again before she could respond.

"It's my fault. I'm so sorry. I wasn't ready and I rushed in and I didn't know how to tell you this because I didn't want to hurt you, but I didn't want to lie to you." I spit it all out.

"So...you wanna break up..?" It hurt me more when she said it.

"I'm sorry."

"It's fine. As long as we can still be in touch..." She sounded hurt.

"Sana, this isn't your fault. I'm sorry. You're an amazing person with an amazing personality and I love you, but I just need some time."

"I get it." I hear her sigh, "Well thanks for being honest. I'll see you around I guess." She hangs up.

I groan to myself.

I didn't want to hurt her but that's exactly what I did.

I'm sorry.

I'll make it up to you, Sana. One day.