A Billion Stars

Chapter 8

"So..." Ricky starts to say after dinner. I look at him with a questioning look and he smiles sheepishly. "Can I hear you?" My facial expression turns more confused before he points to the piano on the other side of my living room. "Oh uh" I stutter, shaking my head. "No not right now." I say and he looks a little disappointed. "It's just, I don't really have any recent songs that don't completely suck, and you sorta go to the music school I'm trying to get into... and I don't want to hear I'm not good enough yet." Ricky laughs and shakes his head. "You know that would never happen right?" I laugh and sit up a little straighter. "Just a little something?" He asks hopefully and I sigh, getting up and moving over to the piano. He smiles excitedly and I can feel his eyes on me as I run my fingertips over the keys gently, trying to calm my nerves before jumping into a song. Something about playing for Ricky just sent waves of anxiety through me. Part of me believed it was because he truly saw me, and he knows more about me from just a brief day together than some of my friends who have been around me for years. I turn to face Ricky again. "It might be bad-" I start to warn him but he gives me a pointed look and shakes his head. "Okay" I breathe out, turning back to the piano to play. "This is just the chorus." I tell him, and I see his smile out of the corner of my eye. 

When our whole love came down to an end

You picked and chose what you wanted to tell our friends 

You made me look like I was clinging to you

You failed to tell them you were doing the same thing too 

"Actually um- can I play a different song for you, maybe?" I interrupt myself and Ricky looks up at me, his eyes are wide and his mouth open just a little. "Uh yeah go for it." He says and he clears his throat as I turn around again. My hands were shaking slightly as I found my chords and I took a deep breath as I tried to remember the lyrics to another song, that didn't feel as personal.

Maybe I shouldn't have asked you to be mine

When I knew you weren't ready for love 

Maybe I shouldn't have left you

For something greater than we could've dreamed

But you were always too far behind me 

And I'm sorry 

I know I'm not enough

I know there was no love 

Just hurt, possession, pain, no trust 

I'm sorry 

I stop playing and the living room is completely silent. I clear my throat, composing myself as best as I could, and I turn to face Ricky. "Nini-" he starts to say, and he sounds different. His voice sounds raspy, like he needs to clear it and it feels like there's an overwhelming amount of emotion hanging in the air. "That was incredible." He whispers out, and I bite back a small smile. "I know it's depressing, but I don't have any positive songs really. So I'm sorry-" Ricky gets up and moves over towards me. Sitting down at the piano bench with me, his entire side of his body touches mine and I fight back a shiver working its way through my body. "I think I've heard you apologize enough." He says softly  and I feel my face warm. "What was the song about?" I bring my hands into my lap and take a deep breath. "I wanted to move here, and my ex boyfriend didn't. I was stuck in Utah for a guy who didn't even know why he was there in the first place. We started arguing so much, and our relationship was already so toxic and unhealthy that I used me leaving as an excuse to get out of the relationship. He didn't like that." I say softly. All I hear is Ricky's steady breathing as I stop talking. "I can imagine... losing an incredible girl like you? Except, he didn't quite deserve you." I turn to him and his soft facial expression makes me feel safe, so I smile. The room is silent, I don't really know what to say and I know that he doesn't either. I feel his shoulder move, just a little, and his hand comes inching towards mine. He reaches out just enough to link our pinkies together and I feel my heart start beating rapidly. His eyes catch mine and even though I met this guy a day ago, I can feel the fact that I'm so far gone already. And I don't mind it.