A Billion Stars

Chapter 36

"What are you thinking about?" Ricky asks me, picking up my body and allowing me to straddle him a little more comfortably. "I'm just-" I laugh and shake my head. "It's not important." I say and he smiles, his thumbs finding the area right underneath my (well his) shirt, rubbing gently. "Of course it is." I smile and nuzzle my face into his neck. "I'm wondering if I should find a place to go to therapy. I had a woman back in Salt Lake, I just don't know." I say and Ricky tilts his head, a gentle smile on his lips. "That's totally up to you. Would you feel better if you did?" I shrug and move my fingertips up to my stroke his cheek, down his neck and up into the hair at the base of his neck. "Maybe. I just don't really want to ruin us." Ricky pushes me back and his face is shocked. "Woah what? How is that dictated by whether or not you go to therapy?" I blush, shrugging and looking at my lap. He pushes my chin up gently and waits for my answers. "I don't want to scare you away. I don't want to make another toxic relationship by putting all of my problems on you or my insecurities... it's just that there are so many ways I could ruin this and-" Ricky cuts me off and presses his palm firmly against my cheek. "Stop. You're not gonna ruin anything. I want you and your beautiful, crazy amount of baggage." I laugh, despite the serious moment and I press my nose to his. "Look at it this way, I don't want your emotions closed off to me. So if you think telling a therapist everything and then coming home to tell me everything works for you, then that's perfect for me too." He says with a smile and I laugh, throwing my head back in amusement. "Oh is that right? Why don't you just call my phone during the session and you can hear the conversation through the receiver?" He gasps, smiling excitedly. "Yes! God you're a genius Nins!" I laugh, pushing at him before wrapping my arms around his neck. "But the point is, if you need professional help that's one thing. If you need someone to talk about your emotions with, that's another and I'm completely there for that." I bite my lip, containing my smile from getting too big. Ricky's fingers move up, tugging at my lip and smiling as he runs the pad of his index finger over my bottom lip. "I love your smile." He tells me and I almost start crying, happiness invading every part of my body. I hadn't felt this type of happiness in so long. If I wasn't already sitting on him, it'd probably be considered jumping him, but I surge forward, holding him tightly. He returns the intensity of my hug and I feel him let out a breath against my neck. "Something I hate about you?" He says against my neck and I pull back, glaring at him. He smiles, but holds onto my waist a little tighter. "How easy it is to make you happy. Means you have low expectations and I'm determined to change that." I blush and play with his hand. "Remember when you were only determined to hear my music?" He grins and rocks our bodies. "God, look what you're doing to me Nins, you're making me fall in love." As soon as the words are out of his mouth, he pulls back, his eyes wide at his statement. My demeanor probably matches his but I don't want to give him the wrong idea so I tighten my grip on his body. "Okay." I whisper, barely audible.