A Billion Stars

Chapter 22

I jolt awake when I feel something, someone, shift on top of me. My body momentarily flips out as it takes me some time to remember that Ricky stayed over for a movie night and we ended up falling asleep together and once it clicks, I relax into the couch. Ricky's arms are draped over me and his head rests near my shoulder as he sleeps. I fight the urge to reach up and push his hair back, fearful that he'd feel my touch and wake up. It was 3:15 in the morning and had the circumstances been different in any way (living with EJ, fighting insomnia, endless college workloads, etc.) I'd get up and write a song and then stay up until morning. Ricky sleeping softly on top of me though makes me never want to move. I enjoy the feeling of Ricky's warmth for a few moments longer until I hear a knock at my door. I quietly groan and move Ricky over just a little before slipping out from underneath him and making my way over to answer it. There's only one person who would knock at my door at 3:15 in the morning, I knew it with every fiber of my being. When I open the door, I nod. "What do you want EJ?" 

"Nothin baby, just here to make sure you moved in alright." He says, a goofy smile on his face and his words drawn out dramatically. My heart tinges at the familiar change in personality, the one that I loved, but it only meant one thing and I draw my mouth into a line. "You're drunk." I say emotionless and he shrugs, a toothy smile coming through. "No baby you're drunk. Oh wait, maybe you're right maybe I'm drunk." He says with a laugh and I sigh. The circle continues. "Look I can call you a ride or something, but that's as close as you're getting to me and my new home." I say and EJ looks like he sobers up instantly. The alcohol in his system seems to drain away as he takes note of my seriousness, not a hint of the old games I used to play. "Nina let's go home together." He says and I furrow my eyebrows. "Are you that dense? Do you actually think I'm gonna let myself get pulled in by you again?" I ask and EJ shifts on his feet. "You're being dramatic, I'm not that bad I just care." He says and I scoff. "You have never cared. You tell me what to eat, you tell me what to post on Instagram, you ask me to weigh myself, you ask for pictures and things I'm not comfortable with. You care for you. Possessing and caring are two very different things." I say and EJ rolls his eyes, stumbling back and reaching out to catch the wall. "Come on Nina, what's that thing they say in movies... we're endgame? It's you and me babe." He says and I frown, the tears welling up in my eyes from frustration. "It's not." I plead with him. "It's not, okay. There's gotta be something better out there for me because I don't derserve to keep doing this. You do this every time, you get all soft on me and you pull me right back in." I say and EJ rubs his eyes. "I don't know a lot of things. Like how did I find this place completely plastered?" He asks with a goofy laugh before turning serious again. "But I know we're like... Tony and Maria from that movie you like? What's that again?" He asks and I shake my head, a tear falling from my eyes. "No. No we're not. We can't be." I plead and he shrugs. "How about William and what's her name? The Bennett chick?" I shake my head and hold onto the door a little tighter. "No, don't you see? You treat me like trash and I come crawling back because of your way with words when you miss me and your familiarity." I say and right then I feel a hand on my side, the side that was partially hidden by the door. Ricky was standing by and this brought me so much more confidence. "We're done EJ. I'll call you a ride back to Salt lake because God knows you're too far gone to drive yourself, but please leave me alone." I say and EJ frowns, leaning closer to me. "I always said you were it for me Nina. You're my partner, my only-" I cut him off and shake my head, more tears falling despite the fact that I truly didn't feel that much hurt. "I'm not it for you. Maybe if you get some help? I just know that you and me, we're not it." I say and EJ hangs his shoulders, sadness and guilt flooding through my own body as I watch him. "You know where to find me Nina." He says, turning away and smacking into a wall before recovering and saluting me as he walks down the hallway unsteadily. I close the door and collapse against it, emotionally drained from talking to him. I take a shuddering breath and feel two warm hands press against my waist. "More damage control Nins?"