A Billion Stars

Chapter 35

"Couch." Ricky gestures to an open spot on the furniture as I re enter the living room."Yes, that's a couch." I say and he chuckles, holding out a hand for me. "No sit with me on it." He says and I smile, still unable to meet his eyes after the incident in the bathroom. "Alright." I say, shyly making my way over to sit next to him. He tucks me into his side, holding my waist loosely as I get comfortable. "I just wanted to apologize again-" I cut Ricky off before he can continue. I train my eyes on anything else but his, speaking quietly. "It wasn't anyone's fault Ricky, it's okay." I say and I feel his hand move to my chin. "Then why won't you look at me?" He asks, equally as quietly as he pushes up my chin so that my eyes meet his. My face reddens and he frowns. "There's nothing to be embarrassed about. And, while I already had a feeling about this before I saw you, you're absolutely fucking stunning." I feel my blush spreading to my neck, his compliment making my body feel like it's on fire. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asks and I debate it for a second. "It just felt familiar. I think that's basically what my issue is. Every time something happens that feels like something he'd do, I get scared." Ricky nods, tightening his grip on my waist. "Like when I pulled on your wrist when you were making me that egg?" I nod, thankful that he sorta understands. "You didn't pull, you only touched me. But it was unexpected and it felt like-" Ricky cuts me off gently. "Like you're losing control?" I bite my lip and look up at him, that alone being the answer he needed. "So, I just have to make sure I don't pull you on top of me while you're naked." He shrugs and I laugh, tucking my head into his shoulder. I can feel his chuckle vibrate throughout his body and it makes me smile a little more. "Wait." Ricky says, nudging me out of my little hiding spot. "What the hell did he do to you that our little incident felt familiar?" Ricky spits out, sounding a little angry and definitely confused. "Oh uh." I stutter and he frowns. "Sorry, that sounded a little-" I smile. "Aggressive?" He laughs genuinely and I take the opportunity to swing my legs over his lap and wrap my arms around his neck, tucking myself into the crook of his shoulder. Ricky sighs in content at the new position and he rubs one of my legs. "You didn't answer my question." I wince and run my thumbs across the base of his neck. "I don't want to." He turns his head to look down at me and bites his lip. "Too bad, it's repayment for the neck rub from this morning." I laugh and hold onto him a little tighter. "I already repaid you." He raises his eyebrows. "I don't remember. Jog my memory?" He asks smugly and I blush. "Yeah, okay." I whisper, moving my head up to press my lips hesitantly to his. His hand finds the back of my head and it feels like he's being extra careful with me. I pull back, knowing that until he knows the answer to his question he won't return to normal.

"So, it's not that big of a deal." I say and Ricky raises an eyebrow. "I've heard you say that before and it's almost always a big deal." A small smile plays on his lips and I move forward to kiss both side of his mouth before placing my head back against his shoulder and taking a deep breath. "Showering was always a big thing with EJ. Apparently it's a big thing with a lot of guys? Like a girl says "I'm gonna shower" and the response is always "without me?" Like yes, without you. You make me uncomfortable-" Ricky cuts off my rant and presses a hand to my leg. "Woah, hey. Reel it in." He reminds me quietly and I nod. "I don't think I ever got an ounce of privacy, and I always felt so damn uncomfortable. I didn't really get a choice in the situations, y'know. It was always like, oh you're in the mood? Here's my body." I rub Ricky's arm as I continue to talk, using it as a distraction so that I could spill my thoughts without feeling too self conscious. "I'd always have to hear "men get mad when we don't get what we want" and I'd have to deal with that until I gave in and I don't know. The last time I was exposed to someone, I don't know. It just felt so familiar. Even though you're not him, Ricky. I know that, I just, well I was naked in front of a guy." I shrug and Ricky grips my thigh a little tighter. "I get that." He murmurs and I look up at him, a little shocked. "You do? I sounded insane." I say with a small laugh and he presses his nose to my shoulder before pulling back. "You didn't sound insane." He laughs and I admire his bright eyes as I wait for him to say more. "Wanna know something? I find you exceptional. Because it's been barely three months, and that was your reality. And now you're with me, holding all of this trust, letting me touch you and kiss you, and you're just so fucking strong." My eyes widen and I blush, surprised at the fact that he took all of the information in so carefully. He didn't get scared, he didn't run, he's sitting right underneath me telling me I'm amazing and it makes me want to cry. "Thank you." I breathe out and he smiles. "Just so we're clear, I'll never make that stupid remark about the shower, and I want you to dictate if and when we ever do anything." I suck in a breath and nod. "You don't have lose control, and if you do, I promise I can take care of you." Ricky dips his head down to make eye contact with me and I nod, reaching for his hand to squeeze gently. This boy doesn't feel like he's going anywhere.