A Billion Stars

Chapter 48

Ricky walks me to my apartment door and my heart skips a beat when I feel his hand on the small of my back. "So tomorrow I know you might be occupied with writing your song, but maybe we could grab some lunch as like a midday break thing?" He asks nervously and I laugh, nodding excitedly. "That would be really great. I'll text you?" He nods and his body moves forward before he pulls back just as quickly, as if he has to stop himself from doing something. I bite my lip and decide to stop thinking, just like I did in the car, and I lunge into him, kissing his lips deeply and sighing as I feel the contact of his hands, strongly holding me in place. "Fuck, would it be completely idiotic to ask you out for tomorrow night instead of having to wait until next week?" He asks when he pulls back, his chest rising and falling heavily and his eyes blown out with something that I can't quite decipher. I shake my head, leaning into his chest. "I... I think that's a great idea." I say and he nods. "Then I'll text you about that too?" I nod and he nods back. "Alright... cool. Awesome." He says and I laugh, giving him a small wave before entering my apartment.

I put down all of my bags from my shopping trip, opening each of them and taking out the contents. I sort through everything excitedly, somehow feeling like the clothes were a new start. I come across a piece of fabric that I don't remember buying and I turn the soft material over in my hands a few times before recognizing it as one of Ricky's sweatshirts. He must've slipped it into the bag to avoid holding it while we were out and I laugh to myself, thinking about the way he chose to slip it in when I wasn't looking. I get up with the sweatshirt, deciding that I wanted to to give it back to him. Yeah, I could give it to him tomorrow but I was definitely jumping at the chance to see him again tonight (especially after the goodbye that he gave me) and I didn't care how unsubtle I was being, the man might need his sweatshirt. I bounce over and open the door, stopping in my tracks when I hear Ricky's soft voice near his door, a phone pressed to his ear. I smile at the way he leans against the doorframe, so care free and so effortlessly perfect. "Dude, she's completely broken that's why..."

I can physically feel the blood drain from my face, the familiar feeling of my throat burning as I hold back emotion. She's completely broken. I'm completely broken. His words replay in my mind and I slip back into my apartment, shutting the door and turning my back against it. I bite my lip, controlling any emotion that wanted to escape and I shake my head. "No, I'm better than this. I'm stronger than this." I whisper to myself and I throw Ricky's sweatshirt on the couch, whipping out my phone and shooting him a text. "Actually, my parents might be in town tomorrow. Not completely sure, but can't do dinner, just in case. I'll text you about lunch but my schedule is unclear so I'll let you know."

I power off my phone and pass my door, locking it and walking into my bedroom to read a book. Ricky wasn't going to break me, he wasn't about to "fall in love with me" because he felt obligated to be around the broken girl. Of course I melted down in a dressing room and I showed him my depression songs but I wouldn't let my emotions be held against me. I would however put a stop to any relationship fueled by pity for the broken girl. I wasn't broken. I wasn't. I fall asleep that night, desperately begging myself to think of anything other than the words Ricky spoke so carelessly to the person on the other end of the phone.