No saving me(EDITING)

Lucas

RECAP:

Karma wanted this.

God wanted this.

My mom wanted this.

Nash wanted this.

Alexandria wanted this.

I never deserved to have anything great, so why should I even try? After all, I did kill my brother...

Chapter 20-

It didn't take long for me to spit out lies. After all, that was the easy part.

"No Zane, I just don't think that we belong together," "No, I didn't really like you," "Sorry, I just don't feel anything."

It was when he looked into my eyes and said, "At least you kept your promise," that I genuinely got confused.

"What?"

"You promised me you'd never become my brother or your mother." He nods his head.

"Oh..."

He looks up with me with pained eyes, "You're worse."

Zane gets up from his bed and walks out of his bedroom, but this time, I didn't go after him.

We weren't meant to be... This wasn't allowed. I'm not allowed to be happy.

Zane sprints back into his room to where I'm sitting. He towers over me, "What happened to your brother?"

"What a nice change of topic." I look away from his eyes.

He grabs my face and makes me look at him, "What happened to Lucas."

I smack his hand away, "Don't handle me like I'm your dog, I don't have to tell you anything!"

"I told you everything, and I trusted you, now you tell me! What happened to Lucas?!" He shouts, "What happened to today?! What happened to never becoming your mother?!" He looks down at me with a pleading expression.

Before my mind even registers it, the words leave my mouth, "I killed him."

Zane looks confused for a second before his face turns completely blank, "How?"

"It's a long--"

"No. You're going to tell me now. I don't care how fucking long your story is, you're going to explain it. In detail. With no interruptions."

"Or what?"

"Or I'm going to find your mother."

I narrow my eyes at him, and he narrows his back at me, "You don't even want to know the shit that I can come up with."

I put a hand through my hair, "I was never the good child..." I lean back against Nash's headboard, "Lucas was always favored. He was older, more athletic, smarter, better in every single way.

"I never got attention from my parents, I was always reaching for it... Lucas always seemed to soak up every single spot of attention there ever was on me." I look at Zane.

"I had gone to this party at a boy named Zacc's house. Nobody had known that I had gone except for myself and my friend Kristen who had been covering for me. Well... So I thought. I had gotten wildly drunk, and stayed the night at his house... Zacc and I ended up... You know..." I cover my face with my hand.

"I don't see where this is going." Zane says, with a blank face.

"You're the one who said you wanted to hear it!"

"Sorry, go on."

I roll my eyes, "Long story short, my mother showed up at house and walked in at a really bad time. She gave me a bad time the whole way home, and in my wrong state of mind I completely snapped."

"Is that it?"

"Shut up!"

"Sorry!"

"I stayed with my friend Skye for about a week, and then I came home. The minute that I did, my brother hopped all over me with questions and I didn't want to give him answers. It killed me seeing his eyes go dim at the thought of me doing anything bad. Right before he was about to call Zacc, Mom interrupted and told him what she saw.

"The look in his eyes, Zane... I'll never forget." I look into Zane's eyes before looking back down at my hands, "I left the house again to stay with Skye, but this time, something different started to happen.

"At school, Lucas would stop coming up to me and hugging me every morning. Instead, he would just glare at me every time that he saw me. I thought that it was because of what I had done with Zacc... But I found out from some of his friends that my mother had started abusing him just like she had done to me. After all, she did need somebody to take out her anger on.

"One day, I got to school and he looked so happy... He was the object of everybody's affection. He was walking around like he owned the school, and he even smiled at me once in the hallway. I took the smile as a sign that he was done being mad at me. So I went home that day after school and I... God damn... Why is this story so hard to finish? "I can't finish."

Zane narrows his eyes at me, "You're going to finish. Now."

"I walked into his room just as the gun went off... There was nothing I could do." My eyes start to water as I look at Zane, "He left three notes. One for Tom, our stepfather, one for Mom, and one for me..."

"What did the notes say?"

"My parent's notes were heartfelt memoirs of how much he loved them, and how grateful he was to have them. Mine however said three words..." I pause, "'I blame you.'"

I look into Zane's eyes and they're wide and teary, "If I had just stayed and put up with my mother, Lucas would probably be at University on a football scholarship." I look back down at my hands, "But instead he's dead and gone."

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Zane POV:

Rae wipes her eyes, "Was that your plan? Get me all teary eyed because I broke your heart? Yeah. Really great." She stands up and walks towards my door.

"When did she visit you?"

Rae turns towards me, "Who?"

"Alexandria. She hates texting, and I don't imagine she'd call you... I was at your house until a few hours ago..."

Rae looks at the ground, "She didn't."

I glare at her face that was pointed towards the ground, "Lie."

"I wanted to do this by myself."

I get up and grab her face lightly and pull it so she's looking into my eyes, "No you don't... Stop lying to me!"

"Good things can't happen to me! Can't you see?" Her eyes have gone red from the tears that were streaming down her face.

"Screw what Alexandria wants," she starts to protest, but I stop her, "Screw what your mom wants. Screw what Nash wants. What do you want? You."

"I want you..." She almost inaudibly speaks.

"Louder."

"I want you." She says louder.

"I want you." I say back.

"What about Alexandria?"

"You really think that I want to get cheated on a 40th time?"

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Another chapter for your fancy.

Yuss.