Foreign

Chapter 43

I look at Hero and I feel the blood go to my cheeks. I'm embarrassed for the second time that morning. Great, now he'll definitely think that something happened.

"No," I stutter. "We just fell asleep rehearsing." That probably doesn't sound good either but it's the truth. His green eyes are blazing and I know he doesn't believe me. Before I can say anything else, the door behind him opens again and Melany walks out. Seems like I was not the only one who woke up in someone else's room.

"Well, well," she says. "Classy move, Charlotte." Oh, what I'd give to punch that stupid grin off her face.

"Just as classy as getting knocked up by someone else's boyfriend." I've had it with her superior attitude. Stupid bitch. Her jaw drops and she opens her mouth to say something back. Probably something snarky, no doubt, but Hero touches her arm to shut her up. The intimacy of that touch doesn't hit me as hard as it used to. Everything feels better when I've been around Josh.

"Go downstairs, Mel, I'll be right there," he says. Melany scowls at me but walks away.

"I take it you don't believe me?" I look at Hero again.

"Why would I?"

"Because I ask you to trust me."

"Why would I?" he asks with raised eyebrows.

"Exactly."

"What do you mean?" He looks confused for a second.

"Do you see how hard it is to trust someone if they ask you to trust them without an explanation?"

It dawns on him, I can tell by the look on his face. He doesn't reply.

"Oh, how the tables have turned."

"This is completely different!" he says with an annoyed tone in his voice.

"Why?" Now it's my turn to raise my eyebrows.

"Because I KNOW something is up with you two. I can tell by the way you look at him and the way he touches you."

"Well, that's exactly what I used to think about you and Melany. You knew that and still you asked me to trust you blindly."

"That's different. Melany is my friend."

"And Josh is mine."

He gets this stubborn look in his face and I know he's getting angry. I am starting to enjoy this game though. Maybe he'll finally get how frustrating his behaviour has been or how upsetting it is. Maybe he'll finally explain why he's so loyal to Melany. Or maybe he'll act like a stubborn child, refusing to see how wrong he has been.

"God, Charlotte, you're impossible," he says. "I'm done with this."

And just like that he walks away. Option two I guess. I shake my head and go back to my room. I don't get why he's so angry all of a sudden. I've given him plenty of opportunities to make this right. I guess we're both done with this.

Obviously, Melany has told everyone about our encounter this morning. Now everyone thinks I'm the slut or the gold digger who is after someone famous. Josh has been really sweet about it and tried all morning to explain but no one is interested in the truth. I look at him while he's talking to Greg. He truly is a nice boy. Or man. He surely is more mature than Hero. When I look at him, I feel happy. And protected. When I'm with him I feel whole again. For the second time that day I wonder about my feelings for him. I care about him, a lot and I trust him completely. But am I in love with him or do I just want him around to make me feel better? It feels different now. There is no fireworks, no passion, no electricity. But being around him is as simple as breathing. There are no strings. There are no secrets. It's just so easy. Can it be love if it feels so different? Or is it because of that extreme passion that it's not working with Hero? Do we care too much? Josh smiles at me and my heart doesn't stop but there definitely are some butterflies. Do I really want passion and fireworks? Would it be settling for less if I start a relationship with Josh? Or is Josh exactly what I need to be happy?

That night I try not to be selfish and I sleep in my own bed, alone. I need to figure out my feelings first. As soon as I'm alone and there's nothing to distract me, the pain is back. It's like Josh is my medicine. When I'm with him the pain in my chest is gone. I'm afraid to fall asleep. What if the nightmare comes back too?