Foreign

Chapter 50

Lizzie looks at me with hopeful eyes and I can't disappoint her. It would break my heart to disappoint her.

"Of course I'll be a godparent! What an honor! Thank you!" I hug them again and I spot the relief on Jack's face. I'm sure he was afraid I'd turn it down. For the first time since they've asked the question, I look at Hero and for the first time in a long time I know exactly what he's feeling. He doesn't want to disappoint them but he doesn't want to be around me all the time.

"I accept too! These babies will be the coolest kids ever!" He gives Jack a high five and Lizzie a kiss.

Hero, Jack and I drink some champagne to toast the good news. It is great news! Jack and Lizzie are going to be parents! God! But now Hero and I will be connected forever.

I think Lizzie spots my hesitation because she asks me to take a walk with her.

"I need to walk around for a bit," she says. "I'm starting to feel nauseous again and walking helps. Will you join me, Charlotte?"

We get up and walk away while Hero starts questioning Jack.

"Wow, Lizzie! A baby! I mean babies!" I correct myself. "Are you excited?!"

"Yeah, and scared. It wasn't exactly planned and we're both so young but once we got over the shock, we realized that we wanted this." She smiles. "Being pregnant is hard though!" she sighs.

"The nausea will pass and then you'll be able to enjoy your pregnancy!"

"Yeah, except for the fact that I'll be fat!"

We both start giggling.

"Are you okay?" she asks. "I mean, I know it's a lot to ask and you can say no!"

I feel awful now. I don't want her to think that I don't want to be a godparent!

"Oh, God, Lizzie! It's not like that," I start. "I'm thrilled and honored to be a godparent! I'm excited! It's just.."

"Hero." She finishes my sentence for me.

"Yeah." I sigh. "I mean, I felt bad for so long and in Australia I finally decided to make my life my own again. After this film is done I'm leaving the States and I'm leaving film. And I expected to never see Hero again. Well, in person, at least. He'll probably be in a lot of films so.."

"What?! You're quitting film?" She's shocked.

"Yes... this all reminds me of Hero too much. It reminds me of the dreams I once had. The dreams I shared with Hero. We had planned our future together. It's too confronting and too hard to work in this business."

"And now you'll always have an other connection," Lizzie adds. "Oh, Charlotte, I'm so sorry!"

"It's fine. I'm sure we'll be great godparents. And Hero will be so busy with his career so I'll probably only see him every once in a while." I smile at her. I don't want her to feel bad.

"I honestly didn't know it was this hard for you, Charlotte."

"Hero and I were together all the time. It was too much. We were too close. And now I don't even know who I am anymore. I don't know what life will bring me. I feel lost. Hero was my home and now I just feel like a foreigner in my own life. I need to start living again and I need to figure some stuff out."

"Where will you go?"

I sigh. I've been thinking about that. Where is home?

"I don't know. Maybe Belgium, maybe Cardiff. I could travel a bit. I've got a few more weeks to figure it out."

"You're strong," Lizzie says while wrapping her arm around my shoulders. "That's why we're thrilled that you want to be a godparent. You'll be such a good influence for our babies."

"Oh, I'll be an awesome godparent! I'll take them to their first concert, take them to their first bar-"

"Stop!" Lizzie yells. "We can always ask Killian and his girlfriend!"

I look at her and we start giggling again.

"As if!" I say. "You'll never find anyone as awesome as Hero and me!"

We walk back to the boys and I suspect Jack and Hero had a similar talk. Whatever Jack said, it worked because for the rest of the afternoon Hero and I talk and laugh as friends. For a second there it felt like we were all back in Cardiff, sitting next to the Taff in Bute Park. Hero includes me in the conversation and for the first time in weeks we actually talk without yelling or fighting. It's a miracle that none of us think about that other baby.

After a lovely afternoon, the taxi picks us up to bring us back to the estate. We drop Lizzie and Jack off at their hotel so Lizzie can take a nap before Hero and I meet them for dinner in town. We say our goodbyes and the taxi drives to the estate.

"Oh, what a lovely afternoon! I should go to the beach more often," I say and I lay back, closing my eyes.

"Charlotte, don't," Hero says. The tone in his voice alarms me and I open my eyes.

"What?" I ask confused. I don't know what's wrong all of a sudden.

"Just stop trying to start a conversation."

"I'm confused," I start. "I thought-"

"Thought what? That we were friends now? That one afternoon could fix our problems? I can pretend around Jack and Liz but we're not friends not even close."

I'm shocked. Why the hell is he so mad?!

"I honestly don't know why you're so mad at me, Hero. I really don't!"

"Well, if you don't know then you're just stupid." He snaps before walking out of the car. I give the taxi driver some money and I walk up the stairs. I feel numb. What did just happen?!