Red

41

Van's hold of me stops when I say those words. "What?" He asks, his voice still tense. "I'm just like who?"

I shake my head, cover my face with my hands, and pull my knees to my chest. If he knew I meant Mike, he would be even more made at me. And that's not something I wanted.

"Tris, I swear to god," he speaks through clenched teeth. "Give me an answer."

And that was all it took. I couldn't argue with Van anymore, not like this, not when I couldn't even see Van in front of me. All I saw was him.

So I told him. "Mike," my squeaky voice broke. I remove a finger from over my eye, looking up at Van. My expectations were set for the worst. He would be livid. Knowing how much he hates Mike, that would be the only logical reaction I could expect from him.

Van isn't looking at me, though. His gaze was focused on the ground. And he isn't yelling, but his jaw was clenched. He was probably thinking of what to say, how to punish me. Maybe he was done with me, he'd just give me to Mike.

And when he finally speaks, after a tense silence, it was not what I had expected at all. "Fuckin hell," he says, only his voice wasn't loud, and he wasn't angry. Maybe he was pretending.

I take my chances and risk what would come when I removed both of my hands fully from my eyes. And when he notices me move through his peripheral vision, he looks up at me, too, seeing my puffy, red eyes. I knew he saw more than that. He could see my fear by looking at me, he could understand everything about me without me saying a word. I only wish I could do the same with him.

"Dammit, Tris," he sighs. "I'm sorry..." he trails off and shakes his head. "I'm no Mike, you know that, and I shouldn't have lost my temper like I did."

I wipe my eyes with the back of my hands and take deep breaths, trying to regain some composure, but I found it hard to.

"Come here," Van says in a calm voice. He holds his arms out, wanting me to crawl into his lap. But I couldn't. I know Van meant well, but I couldn't bring myself to get closer to him for comfort, not when he just provoked so much fear in me.

I shake my head. "No," I whisper.

He blinks once, opens his eyes again, and when he does, I see something in his eyes that I hadn't thought I would ever see in Van's eyes.

Regret.

"Tris..." he says, my name softly rolling off his tongue. "It's just me, just Van."

But I already knew that. I knew it was Van, and that was the problem. The problem was that I could see Mike in him, the person I was supposed to trust on this island, the one I cried to so often, the one who said he would protect me at all costs.

"You're scaring me," I whisper and then hide my face, feeling ashamed for making him feel bad when this was clearly my own fault.

I had a problem If last night made me feel scared around other people. Not Van. I had a problem if last night made me not able to talk to people about things. Not Van.

But I was putting the blame on Van, and I was making him feel bad.

"Darlin, I-" Van starts, but he's cut off when Bondy and Sam enter the plane, immediately shutting him up.

They both look confused as ever when they see us, or maybe just when they see me, a teary mess. Van was much better at hiding his emotions than me.

But when Bondy speaks up, I can tell that he knew Van was upset, too. They were best friends and probably knew everything there was to know about each other. "What's going on?" he asks, his eyebrows knitted together as he glanced between me and Van.

Van looks up at me, his sad eyes being enough for me to let out another sob, making me cover my mouth. I didn't want to be scared of Van.

"Tris, I'm going to talk to Van for a sec," Bondy says.

"I'm not leaving Tris alone, Bonds," Van immediately says, sadness and worry present in his voice.

"I'm fine," I whisper. But that wasn't enough for Van. He doesn't say anything back to me, and he doesn't stand up to go with Bondy.

"Sam can stay with Tris for a few minutes," Bondy says. Van looked unsure and looked over at Sam. "Come on, Van. They'll be safe on here. Five minutes, that's all I need."

"Fine," Van finally agrees and stands up, following Bondy out of the plane without giving me another look, but I don't take my eyes off of him. I make sure he is completely out of the plane before I start crying again.

Sam takes a seat next to me and doesn't hesitate to put an arm around me. "Hey, Tris," he says, softly. "It's gonna be alright."

I nod my head and lean into his side. It felt different, weird. Sam wasn't like Van. Van was nice sometimes, but Sam was always nice. I didn't have to fear about what I was going to say before saying it with Sam, but, somehow, I still felt close with Van, attached to him.

It like, no matter who I'm around, I'll never feel as complete, as safe, as I do with Van. And the fact that he is still so close to me, yet I still feel uneasy proves just how attached I am to him.

I wasn't even sure if Sam knew about me being missing last night. He probably didn't know why I was upset. Bondy or Van could have told him, but I'm pretty certain they wouldn't tell anyone.

I wipe away my tears. "Did you run away last night?" I ask, scared, for some reason, to know the answer.

He hesitates. "Um...no," he tells me. "I was on a walk and got lost. Hope you guys weren't too worried."

I sit up and turn to look at him with my tear stained face, giving him a small smile. "I was pretty worried," I admit. "I thought something bad happened to you." I frown, thinking of what Sam could have possibly run into last night. He could have been taken by someone, or killed, and I wouldn't even know it.

"Well, I'm fine," he says. "Don't worry about it now, it's all over, right?" He gives me a smile and hold my hand.

"Yeah, just don't leave again, please. No more walks without me?" I was kind of joking, but I bite my lip and look at him, expecting an answer anyway.

He chuckles and nods his head. "No more walks without you," he says.

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Ugh, sorry this was kind of a shit chapter. I've got some ideas for my next chapters though!