Red

53

TRIS'S POV

Even though Van held my hand as we walked deeper into the woods, I still walked as far away from him as possible. I wasn't sure what to expect from him, I couldn't tell if he was mad at me, or if he was mad at something else.

But none of that mattered. All that mattered was the fact that he was mad. And his anger terrified me, even if it's not directed at me.

"Tris," he says my name once we stop, his tone seemingly indifferent, making it no easier for me to tell whether he was mad at me or someone else.

He lets go of my hand, and I try to find comfort in wrapping my arms around myself and taking a step backwards. I look up at Van and wait for him to continue.

"What happened? How'd you and Sam end up in the woods?" He asks, knitting his eyebrows together, confused. Now he was crossing his arms too.

I shrug my shoulders and look down, swallowing the lump in my throat. And those actions alone practically gave away that this whole situation was my fault because I wouldn't have anything to be nervous about if it wasn't my fault.

"Tell me what happened. Use your words," he says, his request now more demanding. "There's no point in dragging this out longer than we have to."

I kick the dirt with my feet and shuffle back a few steps. "I don't know," I mumble, my eyes wandering on the ground which was becoming harder to see as the sun began to set.

My response was not what Van had wanted, obviously. And he moves a few steps closer to me, closing the distance. "Well, you were there, weren't you?" he says.

"Weren't you?" He asks again when I don't reply.

So I nod my head.

"Then you know what happened. So answer my question. How'd you end up there?" He asks, his voice rising. "Did Mike come and take you two?"

I shake my head, fully knowing the truth was going to come out any second now. Van was going to lose his trust he had in me, if he had any, because I blatantly disobeyed his order to stay on the beach. He's going to want nothing to do with me.

"So what then? Sam convinced you to leave? Help me out, Tris," he says.

"No," I tell him. I couldn't let Sam take the blame for my mistake. "I did," I admit, my voice fragile, and I sounded pathetic as my voice broke and tears began to spill.

I didn't like breaking Van's rules, and I definitely didn't like admitting to breaking his rules, because I hated when he was mad at me, I hated how humiliating it was acting weak in front of him. I felt like a disappointment. And maybe I was to him.

Van scoffs and puts his hand on his hip. I held my hands together and felt his eyes burning into me. "Did we not just have a talk about how it isn't safe to go off like this? God, I'm starting to think you want to put yourself in danger. Is that what you want, Tris? Do you think your stupid decisions are going to work in your favor one day?" He questions me, each question sounding more aggressive than the last.

I take another step back, intimidated, and shake my head.

"Don't go forgetting how to speak now. And don't you dare take another step away from me. You've got a lot of explaining to do, darlin," Van tells me with a chuckle, but not those lighthearted chuckle he would have when we're hanging out with Bondy, but one that made me feel uneasy instead.

"I'm sorry," I squeak out. Tears pour as I begin to speak, but Van doesn't seem to care.

"You must not listen to me," Van says. "Why don't you listen to me?" He shakes his head, disappointed.

"Van, I'm sorry...I-I really am...And it won't happen again," I tell him as the regret that has been slowly piling up since Sam and I first left becomes unbearable. I use the bottom of my palms to rub away the tears in my eyes before daring to look up at Van.

"No," Van says. "Quit it, Tris. Stop with the lies because we both know that's not true. You get upset because I don't allow you to do things, and when I finally do, you break our agreement. Every time. What do you expect me to do? How am I supposed to go about this?" His voice was tense. Rigid.

"I didn't mean-" I stop once Van cuts me off.

"Look at me when you're speaking," he says.

So I look back up, and through my blurred vision I could still see the anger in his eyes. "I didn't mean t-to cause any trouble," I stutter quietly and wrap my arms even tighter around myself. But I didn't want my arms wrapped around me, I wanted Van's.

I wanted him to hug me, pat my back, stroke my hair, whisper calming things in my ears. Van wasn't going to do that, though, and he had every reason not to. I shouldn't have broken our promise, I should have been thankful he would even let me be alone with Sam. I couldn't even blame him if he hated me.

"Oh, really? Didn't mean to cause trouble?" Van scoffs. "What did you expect to happen, Tris? What were you thinking, doing something so stupid?" He emphasizes his anger with his hands.

"I just wanted to do something...something normal," I say, my voice fading off as I spoke. It was a stupid excuse, but I didn't have it in me to come up with a lie.

"Well, I hate to break it to you, but you're never going to be normal. Not as long as we're stuck on this island. So I suggest you stop trying to act like you're still normal because look where it got you," Van says.

I hesitate before nodding my head. He was right. I was being ridiculous and selfish to want to do normal things in a situation like this. "Okay," I whisper, taking another step back when he takes another one toward me. And when I do, he lets out a long breath.

"Tris..." he drags my name out slowly, his voice deep, teasing. "What did I tell you about moving away from me? Huh?" He tilts his head to the side and furrows his eyebrows.

He takes one more step forward, closing the small gap that remained between us, and places his hands on my waist. His touch sending a shiver through my body, which I could tell he felt by the smirk on his face. "I'm sorry," I manage to whisper.

"You're not being a good girl for me, are you?" He asks me, a quiet whisper in my ear. But I have no reply. I couldn't focus on getting words out of my mouth when Van was this close to me, when I could feel his warm breath tickle my ear as he spoke.

"Are you?" He asks again, louder this time, and I shake my head immediately, his temper making the palms of my hands sweat.

"You're right. You're acting like a very naughty girl," he says while his thumb slowly rubs my bottom lip, his eyes focused on where he was touching me. "And someone needs to put bad girls like you in their place. Because disobedience is something I just can't tolerate."

Van rests his hands on my shoulders, slowly letting them trail down to my lower back where they stop just above my bum. He pulls me in close so the side of my head was now pressed against his chest, and I could feel his chest rising and falling with his relaxed breaths which contrasted my quicker, nervous breathing.

"Don't you agree? Don't you think you need someone to punish you for being disrespectful to me?" Van whispers in my ear. I could tell he had a smirk on his face, I knew he was enjoying this.

And the only reason he was continuing with it was because, deep down, he knew I was too.