Red

47

VAN'S POV

I held Tris close to me as we walked. She was trying to relax her breath, but it wasn't working, and I could feel her chest rise and fall quickly on my side.

I wasn't sure what had her so upset, whether it was just me not letting her go out alone with Sam, or if it was something else. It didn't make sense to me, how her anxiety attack came on so quickly, without any warning. I didn't really know how to respond, but I needed to. I had to learn what to do in moments like these, moments where she felt as out of control as I did.

"Van," she says, my name seeming to be a struggle for her to say as she was already out of breath.

I knew I wouldn't be able to stand hearing her speak anything else, not when I could hear how difficult it was for her. She would be getting more worked up than she already was if she continued.

I stop walking. "Shh, love," I coo, my hand that was holding the top of her head moving . You don't need to tell me anything right now. We can talk about everything once we're on the plane and you're all calmed down," I speak softly into her ear. Speaking would only add to her stress, and that was the last thing both of us needed.

But she doesn't listen to me. She moves her head from my neck and looks at me. Her hand tightly grips my shoulder, her fingernails digging into my skin like I'd let her fall if she let go. "I don't want...Sam to see," she manages to get out. Her cheeks flush a shameful red and she bites her lip.

I hated that she cared enough about Sam to the point where it bothered her if he saw her crying. I hated that she wanted to be able to impress him, act confident around him, and not me. Though, everything she did impressed me. The way she would smile when I mess around with her, how her cheeks got all rosy when she looks up at me, even when she cries, it all captivates me. It captivates to the point where even thinking of her with Sam seems unbearable.

I didn't want her thinking about Sam, I couldn't have that. I wanted her for myself. It was selfish to think that, but I needed Tris more than anyone could ever know. I needed her like she needed me.

"Sam's not gonna see anything, sweetie. I'm gonna bring you straight to the plane," I tell her, failing to reassure her by the look on her face, the tears that were starting to form again.

I sigh, not knowing what else I can say to reassure her. "Babe, you need to just trust me, okay? Can you do that, just this one time?" I ask her, keeping my voice mellow even though she was worrying me with all her worrying.

I couldn't calm her down, and I needed to be able to do that by the time she runs out of medicine. But I had to put on a strong face for her right now. She needed me to be there for her, to guide her through this unexpected life that even I wasn't too sure how to navigate. I had to be her rock.

She barely nods her head and hides away in my neck once again. I pull her as close as I can to my body and comb through her somehow still soft hair with my fingers. "Nobody is gonna see a thing, promise," I say in her ear, reassuring her one last time before I started walking to the other side of the plane where everyone else was.

And, thankfully, neither Sam nor Bondy was looking in our direction. They were staring out at the ocean smiles on their faces, talking about god knows what.

I try to ignore the strange feeling in my gut, the feeling of seeing your best friend for years talk so easily with someone he has just met, the insecurity of being a bad friend to Bondy that unexpectedly shot through my body. I don't remember the last time Bondy and I had a laugh together, a genuine one at least.

Tris needed me right now, though, and I couldn't be worried about Sam and Bondy right now. She needed all my attention, she needed someone to just be there.